This blog is designed to be a dumping ground for all of the jokes created and contributed towards the column "At Writs End"... and especially to those jokes that don't make the grade, mine mostly...
Here is how the column was submitted...
Towards the Promises Land...
As Canadians begin their annual journey to the ballot box we unveil a comic countdown of the people, process and Puffin poop!
Top 3 Election Concerns of Canadians
# 3 The Economy
# 2 The Environment
# 1 The Frequency of Elections
A Poll released before the election showed an alarming 4 in 10 think they have no say in the Government. We are shocked... only 4 in 10?
A new poll says over half of Canadians believe the battle for Prime Minister is between Stefan Harper and Celine Dion. - Torben Rolfsen Vancouver comic
Much has been made about the Conservatives breaking their own fixed election date law by calling this election. Officials say this is a result of poor communication because the purpose of the fixed law is to go to the polls when the Government thinks the opposition can be neutered.
The difference between the Big Bang experiment and our election is when the left and right collide at the polls we know it will create a black hole... that will devour our taxes.
The media is speculating wildly if Quebec will go left wing or right wing while the average Quebecois is more concerned who is in goal for the upcoming Canadians season.
October 14th was chosen as the date Canadians will vote despite pleas from Jewish leaders this date is Sukkoth a celebration of the years spent wandering in the dessert. NDP leader Jack Layton backed the Jewish request saying wandering aimlessly in the wilderness is revered by them as well.
PM Harper said he considered other dates for the election but found it would conflict with the holiday of his core support... Halloween.
I think it’s environmentally friendly of the Greens to adopt a platform with planks built on recycled ideas, deliver rejected speeches and share a Prime Minister with the Liberals.
Every party is saying they are the agent of change but in the end change will be all taxpayers have left after they pay for this election.
My son was really excited to vote for the first time until I told him the Green party wasn't the same as they had in High School.
This election people in Alberta are having a difficult time deciding on a candidate because they can't vote for Bush.
The Liberals Green Shift policy is having unexpected results with many first time voters switching to the Greens.
Just plane silly...
It turns out the Liberals are the most grounded of all the party's if you include their airplane.
The Conservatives announced a reduction on the price of jet fuel partly to provide relief for airlines and partly to give the Liberals a break on fuel costs.
NDP leader Jack Layton is accusing the Liberals of pandering to the military by using an airplane older than our Sea King helicopters.
Stephane Dion is being criticized for using a fuel guzzling form of transportation but in their defense Liberals say they will buy carbon offsets to negate their environmental footprint. They are currently in negotiation to plant trees in the Enchanted Forrest.
The Liberals say their plane will be available once it is re-fitted as it was used in the WW I movie Passchendaele.
Green Party leader Elizabeth May can relate saying she’s having a hard time getting on the air as well.
BQ leader Gilles Duceppe was less sympathetic saying Liberal programs won't fly in Quebec anyway.
Skirting the debate issue...
The Taliban released a statement saying they have much in common with Canadians as they don't want women on television either.
Fashion is becoming a part of this election. Male leaders are casually donning sweaters highlighting their common touch but Green Party leader Elizabeth May seems uncomfortable in her Burka.
It was interesting to see NDP leader Jack Layton hiding behind the skirt of the media consortium while defending his objections to having May in the debate.
PM Harper says his objection revolves around her support of Stephane Dion for Prime Minister and not because she looks better in a sweater than him.
After careful deliberations the media consortium now says they will let May enter the debate and isn’t that just like the old boys’ network to be constantly changing their pretty little heads?
May is adamant she didn’t play the gender card in her complaint and says she just pointed out the men were acting like Dicks.
A Birds Eye Poo...
Stephen Harper was surprised by the attack ad showing a Puffin dedicating on the shoulder of Stephane Dion saying "Who knew Puffins could fly?"
This may be one time Stephen Harper wished pigs could fly...
Giving the South its Due...Some of the best from the US Elections...
"The last time St. Paul was this friendly to John McCain was when McCain was with St. Paul on the road to Damascus"- Bill Littlejohn
Republican John McCain and Diamondbacks lefty Randy Johnson recently celebrated birthdays. One is a leader, has battled in wars, walks with a limp and is everybody's favorite great grandpa. The other, McCain, turned 72. - Hartley Miller
The US race is taking away some of the attention from Canada's but let’s face it our candidates Palin comparison...
“Palin and McCain make a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to life." –Jay Leno
"She's not bad looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Some people are saying that McCain picked Sarah Palin to appeal to women who supported Hillary Clinton. This is crazy. You can't just replace Hillary Clinton with another woman. Bill tried that, it didn't work out." --Craig Ferguson
Hough Knew... the best from US contributor Janice Hough
"Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has called an election for Oct. 14th which means just 5 weeks of campaigning and commercials. In related news millions of Americans in swing states have filled applications to immigrate to Canada".“Who says John McCain isn’t the “Change” candidate? Why, in the past year alone he’s changed on taxes, torture and off-shore oil drilling.”
Hard to imagine America may have a VP from a state that makes Saskatchewan look like an urban population center.
“There is a silver lining for Canadians with McCain picking Sarah Palin because in looking for Alaska it might be the first time many Americans see Canada on a map.”
“The Republican National Convention is hardly a showplace of diversity. In fact, the assembled delegates looked like a hockey crowd, only whiter.”
We get the last words eh...
Julie Couillard the girlfriend of former Conservative cabinet minister Maxine Bernier is set to release her autobiography. The book is groundbreaking not only because it will be unveiled during the campaign but it will be the first political autobiography to include a centrefold.
And these didn't make it...
In an effort to be the first to declare a winner media outlets have conceded the election to the Conservatives before the race begins.
In honour of his Green Shift philosophy when Stephane Dion visited to discuss the election PM Harper gave him water without ice and instead of a glass he was hosed.
BQ Leader Gilles Duceppe used his election kickoff to berate the lack of French in federal programs saying the salaries, pensions and benefits of their members should be paid in Francs.
The Green Party is fighting to be included in the nationally televised Leadership debate while the Liberals are fighting to have their leader excused with a cold.
Stephane Dion seems to be getting the hang of English because the person translating his speech for the hearing impaired doesn’t shrug near as much.
The Liberals have rented an airplane from Inuit Airlines which is fitting because trying to convince voters to elect them based on a massive carbon tax is like trying to sell ice cubes to Eskimos.
Secretly the media is glad the Greens will be allowed to be on the televised debate because they bring the best brownies.
The CBC had a difficult choice on Sunday deciding if they should cover the expected coronation of Stephen Harper or a re-run of Coronation Street.
More from Torben...
A Canadian Press Harris/Decima survey polled Canadians on who they would vote for President in the upcoming election and came up with the following results:66% Obama
13% McCain
21% Gretzky
Fortunately for the Republicans, Canada is worth 0 electoral votes in the November election.
The Bush administration has already started building portions of a fence across their frontier with Mexico.
Canadians may have worries that Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin wants to build a fence - around her daughter.
Palin is anti-sex ed. Her approach involves abstinence education in the home by parents. That's obviously worked out well for her.
Earlier in the week, bloggers were speculating that one of Sarah Palin's 5 kids may actually have been a previous kid by her now-pregnant 17-year old daughter but the mother faked the pregnancy.
That family's starting to sound like the one in that X-Files episode where the mom lived under the bed.
Hough Knew... the ones that should have been in...
Say what you will about Sarah Palin. She is the prettiest vice-presidential candidate since John Edwards. -
Sarah Palin in her speech to the convention said that when she took office she sold the Governor’s private jet on Ebay. What she didn’t say - Cindy McCain bought it. -
If this vice presidential thing doesn’t work out Sarah Palin might be able to get a job as enforcer, for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Apparently two hurdlers on the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments of performance-enhancing drugs. But to give the athletes the benefit of the doubt, just because you receive something doesn’t mean you use it. For example, President Bush receives daily intelligence briefings.
Thanks Janice and to all those who contributed...
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