Column 2

At Wits End – Weak One
Dr. Seuss would have been proud of the campaign so far, all rhyme no reason...
May screams media sexist and unfair
Dion finally gets his plane in the air
Layton sees himself as PM’s heir
Harper auditions for “What not to Wear”

Headline: Conservatives reprimand war room for Puffin attack ad and suspend communications director Ryan Sparrow for insensitive remarks.

“Is War Room really the right term for a group of guys sitting around shooting themselves in the foot?”
“Despite gaining momentum from the events the Liberals were still quick to cry fowl.”
“The events seemed to reinforce the belief Conservatives really do sit around in smoke filled rooms hatching plots.”
“Harper to Sparrow... Flock Off!”

Headline: Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams unveils ABC (Anyone But Conservatives) campaign

“Listening to Williams rant about the failings of the Conservatives clears up the origin of Newfoundland Screech”
“Williams says he didn’t force his party members to join the campaign but he is sure acting like the Codfather”.
“The Conservative reaction to the ABC campaign is to act DEF.”

Headline: Conservatives accuse Green party of secretly supporting Stephane Dion

“Elizabeth May was incensed saying she only called Dion to co-ordinate outfits for the debate.”
“After seeing the latest leadership polls officials with the Liberals wish someone would support him secretly or otherwise.”

Headline: NDP promises to create 40,000 “green collar jobs”

“If the injuries keep mounting, the Saskatchewan Roughriders will create 50% of the jobs this year alone.”
“The good news is the jobs will be for laid off blue collar workers, the bad news is they have to supply their own lawn mower.”

Headline: Green Shift policy a difficult sell to Canadians

“Dion says he can explain the program in 6 words but they don’t translate into English or French”
“The Green Shift program seems to have religious overtones with most people saying they will pay the tax when Hell freezes over”
“Dion quickly went on the defensive when he heard Quebecers thought a tax on belching smokestacks would increase the price of cigarettes.”

Headline: Liberals propose national day care program
“Upon hearing this Stephen Harper demanded they include space for some of the infants in his war room”.
“Gilles Duceppe quickly countered with an offer to Quebec children promising more juice, longer naps and extra chocolate chips in their cookies.”

Headline: Bloc Québécois say they can do all of Canada a favour by stopping Prime Minister Stephen Harper from forming a majority government

“A majority of Canadians surveyed say a bigger favour would be for the separatists to stop cashing their paycheques”
“If that’s their idea of a party favour I can’t wait to see what we get for Christmas.”

Headline: Gas price spike becomes election issue

“The Liberal campaign plane made an unscheduled stop in Alberta, not to talk to voters but, to fill up with cheap gas.”
“Most Canadians were shocked and didn’t even realize it was a long weekend.”

Headline: Green party proposes $ 8.8 billion for Post Secondary education

“Officials say students shouldn’t face a “debt sentence” that’s what parents and taxpayers are for.”
“Political analysts say the move is risky because if Canadians become more educated they will begin to question the Greens policies.”

Headline: Canadian voters show signs of a rural-urban conflict

“Those in rural areas like Harper in a sweater while people in urban centres think he should try a hoodie.”
“People in the country would rather lie to a pollster during dinner whereas those in the City prefer to do it before lunch.”

Headline: Ex- Reform party leader Preston Manning proposes University masters program for new MP’s.

“The first class will emphasise total obedience.”
“Unlike most backbenchers MP’s registered in the course will receive some credit.”

Headline: Former critic of Jack Layton wins NDP party nomination for St. John’s

“Layton said if he excluded everyone who criticized him nobody could run, including his wife.”
The Liberals say they have a special name for candidates who openly criticize their leader “the cabinet”.

Warning: The following section contains 100% US content and 0% on Sarah Palin

"Italy is designing clothing based on how Barack Obama dresses. And I said, well, yes, that will connect him with the angry working-class voters." –David Letterman
"John McCain has been accused of stealing policy ideas from Wikipedia, which is ridiculous. Everybody knows McCain doesn't know how to use the Internet. --Craig Ferguson
Barack Obama's staff recently announced that Barack is planning to hold a campaign event at a NASCAR race. Yeah. The event will be called 'Meet your first black guy.'" --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush spoke at a campaign rally in support of John McCain. They raised millions and millions of dollars, most of which will be used to repair the damage of President Bush supporting John McCain at a campaign rally. So it's kind of a wash" --Jay Leno

The last word belongs to a Canadian eh...
With all the focus on Tory bullying, I would have thought that after demonstrating his musical prowess on Thursday, all the headlines would have accusingly read: “Stephen Harper gives Stephane Dion a bad case of pianist envy” – Mark Dip