Column 5

Top 5 signs your Party leader fully supports the Arts...
# 5 Has watched a CBC show from beginning to end
# 4 Interrupts cabinet meetings to vote for favourite on Canadian Idol
# 3 Is known to paint the town red on occasion
# 2 Often credited with raising the politics of division to a new art
# 1 Married an artist to get them out of poverty

Headline: Heritage Christian party files lawsuit to be included in televised debate
Part of the lawsuit includes a request for a 3rd debate to be held in Tongues.
Critics accuse the party of waiting until the last minute saying they are trying to throw a Hail Mary.

Headline: Liberals say their platform is revenue neutral
Experts say this matches the carbon neutral focus and a campaign that seems to be stuck in neutral.
The Liberals say the math is simple; all you do is subtract the budget surpluses in Alberta and Saskatchewan and divide it by the number of voters in Ontario and Quebec.

Headline: NDP unveils national prescription drug program
The plan is part of a comprehensive economic plan that includes valium, Prozac and painkillers.

Headline: Housing collapse becomes election issue
With the record number of for sale signs on lawns, the only candidates to benefit are named Remax, Coldwell Banker or Century 21.
Party workers admit frustration with the difficulty of door knocking when fewer people have doors.
It seems like the leading voice on the economy is Chicken Little.

Headline: Harper announces a policy to get tough on youth crime
Critics say the proposed Whipper-Snapper Act is a thinly veiled proposal aimed at seniors.
Gang leaders were quick to attack the program saying it would just increase the unemployment rate.

Headline: BQ leader Duceppe says Conservative reforms to youth justice would create “young flesh” for hardened criminals
Duceppe says he has already addressed the threat of violent young offenders with his suggestion for a national daycare lockup.

Headline: Quebec artists post a video on Youtube protesting cuts to the arts
In an ironic twist the video has been watched by more people than any taxpayer funded production
The video didn’t qualify for Canadian funding as it parodied a US movie in the title “Oh Brother Where Art Thou Funding?”

Headline: NDP promises more money for creative industries
Lobbyists for the financial industry were quick to demand some of the cash pointing out their use of creative accounting.

Headline: Hackers hit PM Harpers email account
Conservatives became suspicious when emails were sent asking for money to finance Nigerian candidates.
As proponents of reduced government Conservatives were shocked to see the emails promised to increase the size of members.

Headline: Party leaders accuse each other of trying to destroy Canada
Apparently the cuts to the Arts didn’t include Drama Queen Classes.
BQ officials were outraged and saying their salaries and pensions had better not be in danger.

Headline: Liberals promise $500 million for the Arts
The goal of the program is to see starving artists become merely malnourished ones.
The original price tag was only $450 million but someone forgot to add in the carbon capture Dream Catchers.

Headline: Polls show NDP making gains in BC
Pollsters say the gains come despite the NDP taking numerous pot shots.

Headline: Ontario police find 40,000 pot plants in a corn field
A spokesman for the Greens say this is another example “the man” shutting down a high performance ethanol alternative
When the Marijuana candidate for the riding heard of the cornfield bust he was quotes as saying “shucks”.

Headline: Parties demand candidates resign for ill advised remarks
It looks like self-serving outrage has replaced the Canadian dollar as the currency of the realm.

Headline: Party insiders advise Liberals to re-invent the brand
In order to help advertisers with ideas the campaign is being conducted like an ongoing soap opera.

Hough Knew – US thoughts on our election from Janice Hough
Canadians should be worried after Sarah Palin's statements that she would be willing to engage in "military conflict" with Russia if there are disputes because after all, she can also see Canada from her house.
What is harder to understand Stephane Dion speaking English or John McCain wanting more government control of the economy?
Finally the naked truth...
The NDP laws forced to remove a candidate for a long ago "skinny dipping" episode so voters lose the only candidate with no “hidden agenda”. – Lloyd Lahti