Column 4

Top 5 signs you may need to replace your star candidate
# 5 Offers party leader use of his spaceship during campaign
# 4 Spends more time lurking in bushes than knocking on doors
# 3 She is caught courting the youth vote one student at a time
# 2 On the subject of embezzling is Pro Choice
# 1 He starts off every rally with an impression of Bob Saget

Headline: Dion says this election is a choice between “gimmicks and a vision”.
Most voters surveyed say it seems like a choice between an illusion of hope and the delusions of dopes.
A representative with the Marijuana party was quick to point out smoking weed combats glaucoma and other vision related problems.

Headline: Stephen Harper campaigns in Iqaluit NWT
A kinder gentler Harper was even seen rubbing noses with local voters.
In a rare sign of cooperation Harper offered to pick up some spare parts for Dion’s airplane

Headline: BQ leader Duceppe calls for high speed train in Montreal
The train would run from Montreal to the US because he can’t get out of Canada quick enough.
The proposal calls for the train to run on a separate track and Canadian trains will be forced to give it a wide berth.

Headline: Marijuana party says they have an agreement to supply candidates for the NDP in BC
This may explain why Layton is saying his candidates are of the highest calibre.
Officials with the NDP say the Marijuana party’s wish to be aligned with them is just a pipe dream.

Headline: Elizabeth Mays Green Train leaves from Vancouver on cross Canada journey
Officials with Transport Canada are keeping a close eye to be sure it doesn’t collide with the Liberal Gravy Train circling around Ontario.
After reading their “Green Book” most experts agree there is no danger of this becoming a Train of Thought.
The Marijuana party is accusing the Greens of plagiarism, as they have the rights to Disoriented Express.

Headline: Liberal campaign focuses on “Dream Team”
This allows them to limit talk of green ideas to 40 second shifts.
The Conservatives say they will respond with a team concept once their star players get out of the penalty box.

Headline: Conservatives say Bloc Quebecois has cost Quebec $350 million
Leader Gilles Duceppe was livid and says the separatists have created hundreds of high paying jobs for advertising executives, media pundits and spin doctors.
In fairness to the BQ $350 million is a small price to pay for the hours of comedic enjoyment their ideas have given the rest of us.

Headline: Liberals unveil incentives for green farming operations
Their plans call on farmers to become greener by planting more peas and broccoli.
In an effort to reduce toxic emissions farmers are being encouraged to plant carbon neutral beans.

Headline: Opposition party’s call for a ban on handguns
This is a strange move because it would leave the Conservatives with nothing to shoot themselves in the foot with. – Lloyd Lahti
Conservatives were quick to show most voters support handguns, citing a new poll from Smith and Weston.

Headline: Wall Street imposes restrictions on short selling
Stephane Dion was fully in support and now hopes to convince party workers to stop betting against his Green Shift
The Green party says this is similar to their carbon tax plan with everyone speculating about the downside.

Headline: Liberals promise $500 million for the Arts
Insiders cite the benefits of the Arts saying without fantasy and fiction there never would have been a Green Shift.
The goal of the program is to see starving artists become merely malnourished ones.
The original price tag was only $450 million but someone forgot to add in the carbon capture Dream Catchers.

Headline: NDP candidate admits to taking his clothes off in front of teenagers during environmental retreat
Finally a politician who admits the emperor has no clothes
Friends were shocked saying he usually covered up his naked ambition

Headline: Embarrassed candidates upset over excessive internet scrutiny

Headline: Politicians accuse each other of unethical and immoral electronic witch hunts, whose only purpose is to dig up past indiscretions posted on the internet, solely to discredit their quality candidates

Freedom of discussion is essential to enlighten public opinion in a democratic state; it cannot be curtailed without affecting the right of the people to be informed through sources independent of the government concerning matters of public interest. There must be an untrammeled publication of the news and political opinions of the political parties contending for ascendancy."– Lucien Cannon judge, Canadian Supreme Court reports, 1938
Don’t be an idiot someone will see you – My mom