If you were sent here looking for an enlightened reasoned thoughtful discussion of the 2010 Calgary Mayoral Race... you have been punked... sorry. For the rest we are using shills handout#1 and are bored...
I watched a "live feed" of what will... I am sure... be forever known as the Great Debate of the campaign at the University of Calgary. It was great because of the comedy, . The reason for its greatness had a 1st name... it's O.S.C.A.R. and his use of skill # 3-2 The Call Back.
"They kept throwing me out"
The rest of the debate had its moments but... and I only refer to the comic genius that is O.S.C.A.R. a call back kills... Remember the times you nearly, successfully or publicly peed yourself laughing? Call backs all...
In honour of O.S.C.A.R.... comic call back lines from last nights debate
Why does everyone go on an on about my ability to get along?
Don't knock on my door at 3:00 AM...
When the chips are down...
And again... I have bunions...
An LRT in every pot...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 9
For those of you with any understanding of comedy and joke this will be redundant... if you are looking for a laugh... disappointing and wanting information... infuriating... sorry. For the rest we are using skills handout#1 and are bored...
Comparison is a skill all candidates use to reinforce their opinion... experience... or ignorance. Sometimes a comic gets lucky and they collide. Usually in a campaign there are front-runners who just are not going to win... you can feel it... sometimes they do which makes for great comedy... and most times they don't which makes for the best comedy.
The front-runner in the Calgary election is Ric4Mayor. The comedy lesson is comparison... begin...
Compared to a TV reporter I look smart
Compared to a pundit I look like Joe the Plumber
Compared to other aldermen I look groomed
If using facts... and really it's a campaign why would you?... different comparisons could be used...
Compared to a Ponzi scheme our last Council was open, transparent and legal
Compared to my experience... intelligence and community involvement mean nothing
Compared to my saying no to everything being thoughtful looks wishy washy
Mayoral races are different from all other contests because they are about the person. Not the party. Comparisons are the candidates way of standing out from the pack. It is also helpful in reassuring the donors.... shoring up the base... and continuing the delusion...
It would take someone new at least 6 months to understand where our Council spent the next 10 years of your tax money... compared to me who knows already... who has the contracts... and voted no except when mother nature called...
Comparison is a skill all candidates use to reinforce their opinion... experience... or ignorance. Sometimes a comic gets lucky and they collide. Usually in a campaign there are front-runners who just are not going to win... you can feel it... sometimes they do which makes for great comedy... and most times they don't which makes for the best comedy.
The front-runner in the Calgary election is Ric4Mayor. The comedy lesson is comparison... begin...
Compared to a TV reporter I look smart
Compared to a pundit I look like Joe the Plumber
Compared to other aldermen I look groomed
If using facts... and really it's a campaign why would you?... different comparisons could be used...
Compared to a Ponzi scheme our last Council was open, transparent and legal
Compared to my experience... intelligence and community involvement mean nothing
Compared to my saying no to everything being thoughtful looks wishy washy
Mayoral races are different from all other contests because they are about the person. Not the party. Comparisons are the candidates way of standing out from the pack. It is also helpful in reassuring the donors.... shoring up the base... and continuing the delusion...
It would take someone new at least 6 months to understand where our Council spent the next 10 years of your tax money... compared to me who knows already... who has the contracts... and voted no except when mother nature called...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 8
If like most you are offended by any of the big 3 topics... religion... politics... sex... then this is an accidental web re-direction... sorry. For the rest we are using skills handout #1 and are bored...
Today the Twits agreed religion has no place in political debate and sent thousands of tweets decrying the attention. Purple is the rage on The Facebook... it's a Hail Caesar kind of thing... the debates were on on ethnicity... so lots of hurt feelings...
Today we are going to demonstrate the Top 5. A Top 5 is an effective way to create community and comedy all in the same swipe... when you add a political campaign the barbs can be vicious... don't moan... be groan... I will start at the bottom and troll upwards...
Top 5 signs no one has heard of you
# 5 Your mom calls you Fred and it's Dave
# 4 A photo of you is used to fill out police line ups
# 3 You grew a beard and your wife didn't notice
# 2 Your kids call you "the help"
And the #1 sign no one has heard of you... Canada Immigration wants to see your papers and dental records...
Top 5 Puns for Lord4Mayor
# 5 Time for the Hail Mary
# 4 Parting the waters since "92
# 3 Powered by Angel...donors...
# 2 Policies from the scripture of Job...
And the # 1 Pun for Lord4Mayor...
Have faith ye of little!
Top 5 non tunnel policy suggestions for Bob4Mayor
# 5 Promise to balance the books using moon-dust
# 4 A Green campaign needs the green so... Pony Up!
# 3 Applying to be the mayor who christens... sorry... opens the Piece by Piece Bridge
# 2 Highlight the knowledge gained during years on Council to successfully locate the new tree park in such a way as to take advantage of the fertilizer...
And the # 1 non tunnel policy suggestions for Bob4Mayor...
Find a hole to climb in and if it is big enough... build a tunnel!
Top 5 Difference between Oscar4Mayor and Wayne4Mayor
# 5 One lived in poverty... the other lived it
# 4 One worships a higher power... one thinks he is a higher power...
# 3 One was a successful CEO... one watches the OC...
# 2 One has a war-chest... one warns of chests
And the # 1 difference between Oscar4Mayor and Wayne4Mayor...
One has a fat chance... the other a slim chance...
Top 5 Nemshi4Mayor highlights
# 5 People have stopped calling him Bob
# 4 Better understanding of police response times
# 3 A devoted and colour coordinated social network
# 2 Loved season 1 of the Big Bang Theory
And the # 1 Nemshi4Mayor highlight...
Good attendance marks!
Top 5 insights gained by Ric4Mayor from his Council experience
# 5 When in doubt on a vote... Potty!
# 4 Watching the last Council helped me understand the value of money... and how to hide it...
# 3 No...
# 2 I know the difference between a '67 Chardonnay and a '48 Pinot Noir...
And the #1 insight gained by Ric4Mayor from his previous Council experience...
If it's up to me to lose... I will...
Top 5 Signs Barb4Mayor needed to fire someone
# 5 Stress balls broke
# 4 High heels were killing her from sprinting from event to event...
# 3 No one answered when she asked "who's in charge?"
# 2 Mercury was in retrograde
And the # 1 reason Barb4Mayor had to fire someone...
Sometimes actions speak louder than forums
Today the Twits agreed religion has no place in political debate and sent thousands of tweets decrying the attention. Purple is the rage on The Facebook... it's a Hail Caesar kind of thing... the debates were on on ethnicity... so lots of hurt feelings...
Today we are going to demonstrate the Top 5. A Top 5 is an effective way to create community and comedy all in the same swipe... when you add a political campaign the barbs can be vicious... don't moan... be groan... I will start at the bottom and troll upwards...
Top 5 signs no one has heard of you
# 5 Your mom calls you Fred and it's Dave
# 4 A photo of you is used to fill out police line ups
# 3 You grew a beard and your wife didn't notice
# 2 Your kids call you "the help"
And the #1 sign no one has heard of you... Canada Immigration wants to see your papers and dental records...
Top 5 Puns for Lord4Mayor
# 5 Time for the Hail Mary
# 4 Parting the waters since "92
# 3 Powered by Angel...donors...
# 2 Policies from the scripture of Job...
And the # 1 Pun for Lord4Mayor...
Have faith ye of little!
Top 5 non tunnel policy suggestions for Bob4Mayor
# 5 Promise to balance the books using moon-dust
# 4 A Green campaign needs the green so... Pony Up!
# 3 Applying to be the mayor who christens... sorry... opens the Piece by Piece Bridge
# 2 Highlight the knowledge gained during years on Council to successfully locate the new tree park in such a way as to take advantage of the fertilizer...
And the # 1 non tunnel policy suggestions for Bob4Mayor...
Find a hole to climb in and if it is big enough... build a tunnel!
Top 5 Difference between Oscar4Mayor and Wayne4Mayor
# 5 One lived in poverty... the other lived it
# 4 One worships a higher power... one thinks he is a higher power...
# 3 One was a successful CEO... one watches the OC...
# 2 One has a war-chest... one warns of chests
And the # 1 difference between Oscar4Mayor and Wayne4Mayor...
One has a fat chance... the other a slim chance...
Top 5 Nemshi4Mayor highlights
# 5 People have stopped calling him Bob
# 4 Better understanding of police response times
# 3 A devoted and colour coordinated social network
# 2 Loved season 1 of the Big Bang Theory
And the # 1 Nemshi4Mayor highlight...
Good attendance marks!
Top 5 insights gained by Ric4Mayor from his Council experience
# 5 When in doubt on a vote... Potty!
# 4 Watching the last Council helped me understand the value of money... and how to hide it...
# 3 No...
# 2 I know the difference between a '67 Chardonnay and a '48 Pinot Noir...
And the #1 insight gained by Ric4Mayor from his previous Council experience...
If it's up to me to lose... I will...
Top 5 Signs Barb4Mayor needed to fire someone
# 5 Stress balls broke
# 4 High heels were killing her from sprinting from event to event...
# 3 No one answered when she asked "who's in charge?"
# 2 Mercury was in retrograde
And the # 1 reason Barb4Mayor had to fire someone...
Sometimes actions speak louder than forums
Sunday, September 26, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 7
As a forum of enlightened discussion of election campaigns is not where you are... sorry. For the rest we are using skills handout #1 and are bored...
Candidates answer every question with a question or a condescending agreement in some aspect of the person or position. It's what they do. Polls just bring out the very very best in the witty skill of opposite. If your candidate is up... they say they have to run like they are behind... if they are slipping in support they say they are regaining momentum... if they are way behind they say Polls are highly subjective snapshots of MRU students on free beer day...
The joke is called opposite but in this context it is more like Pole dancing. I will take the results of an imaginary Poll I dreamed up to demonstrate Pole Dancing and the Set-up is determined by the position they are in at the time of my fantasy...
Set up Ric4Mayor you are comfortably ahead, had an article in the Globe and Mail comparing you to other rugged fiscal renegades and you supported your local police department. Is the race over?
Punchline:Opposite... It's never over until we have let all potential voters know the consequences of supporting others...
Set up Barb4Mayor you are behind in the Polls, had to fire your Campaign Manager and gave up the chance to be a star attraction at the CTV 50th Anniversary. Can you recover?
Punchline:Opposite Recover? This is my 1st campaign and I expected to be 30 points behind just to get the tempo. I might have scared some people because it it the 1st time someone in recent Calgary politics a manager has been fired for cause.
Set up Nenshi4Mayor you are still trailing badly despite highly publicized coverage, superior social network connection and an uncanny resemblance to the guy on Big Bang Theory. Is there any hope?
Punchline:Opposite I would not be in the race if I didn't think I could maybe get lucky due to a technical glitch in the mainframe and SR 4300 election program software.
Set-Up Bob4Mayor the tunnel seems to be taking all of your campaign efforts... resources... and credibility. Do you know no one cares?
Punchline We all care... care so deeply it is the issue that will resonate this election with any voter who has ever waited in traffic... if you are waiting in traffic... frustrated and a little road ragey... think Bob4Mayor
The rest were doing so well... the opposite seems redundant...
Candidates answer every question with a question or a condescending agreement in some aspect of the person or position. It's what they do. Polls just bring out the very very best in the witty skill of opposite. If your candidate is up... they say they have to run like they are behind... if they are slipping in support they say they are regaining momentum... if they are way behind they say Polls are highly subjective snapshots of MRU students on free beer day...
The joke is called opposite but in this context it is more like Pole dancing. I will take the results of an imaginary Poll I dreamed up to demonstrate Pole Dancing and the Set-up is determined by the position they are in at the time of my fantasy...
Set up Ric4Mayor you are comfortably ahead, had an article in the Globe and Mail comparing you to other rugged fiscal renegades and you supported your local police department. Is the race over?
Punchline:Opposite... It's never over until we have let all potential voters know the consequences of supporting others...
Set up Barb4Mayor you are behind in the Polls, had to fire your Campaign Manager and gave up the chance to be a star attraction at the CTV 50th Anniversary. Can you recover?
Punchline:Opposite Recover? This is my 1st campaign and I expected to be 30 points behind just to get the tempo. I might have scared some people because it it the 1st time someone in recent Calgary politics a manager has been fired for cause.
Set up Nenshi4Mayor you are still trailing badly despite highly publicized coverage, superior social network connection and an uncanny resemblance to the guy on Big Bang Theory. Is there any hope?
Punchline:Opposite I would not be in the race if I didn't think I could maybe get lucky due to a technical glitch in the mainframe and SR 4300 election program software.
Set-Up Bob4Mayor the tunnel seems to be taking all of your campaign efforts... resources... and credibility. Do you know no one cares?
Punchline We all care... care so deeply it is the issue that will resonate this election with any voter who has ever waited in traffic... if you are waiting in traffic... frustrated and a little road ragey... think Bob4Mayor
The rest were doing so well... the opposite seems redundant...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 6
If you are viewing this for the 1st time because of all the hundreds of millions of possible links, URLs or forwards you got here... sorry... for the rest we are using skills handout#1 and are bored...
In Week 1 we had our 1st major upheaval in a contending campaign... a rumble with the Police by a long-shot academic over accounting... an assurance by the front runner that he can find the efficiencies needed to keep Calgary's property tax hike at 4% or better... efficiencies he didn't share with his fellow aldermen during his previous 9 years on Council... or anyone actually... but he is confident he would have the support of 8 aldermen to move his agenda forward... thus mocking the process of election... naming the 8...and basically saying you have the support of people who are going to win because everyone knows the incumbent has to kill a few voters in Calgary before they are removed... so average on a scale of corruption and from Chicago and Toronto to Dauphin Manitoba...
The skill we will try is the power of three... and unless you fall asleep one joke for each of the candidates... my lame attempts will follow each of the candidates and set the bar low but on task... Set-up line: I learned new things in the 1st week of campaigning...
Ric4Mayor: act as the front runner... let others shake the cage... and people are recording what I say...
Barb4Mayor: making difficult decisions on the go... the value of public forums and the power of laughter...
Nenshi4Mayor: the future of social media in elections... the joy of attending all public forums and reminding everyone I did and I now have a pretty good idea that the percentage of the police budget as a ratio to the the total GDP we spend on surveillance of known or suspected trouble makers is money well spent...
Wayne4Mayor: The expense in renting a 50' billboard in a prime downtown route... the number of homeless it would feed... and my attendance in the public forums rated a gold star from Naheed
Bob4Mayor: the passion for a thoughtful debate on the Airport Tunnel... the passion of my opponents and where I put the last of my lawn signs...
The rest of the candidates distinguished themselves by not being distinguishable... totally outside mainstream proposals or spent most of the week staring at the writing on the wall...
In Week 1 we had our 1st major upheaval in a contending campaign... a rumble with the Police by a long-shot academic over accounting... an assurance by the front runner that he can find the efficiencies needed to keep Calgary's property tax hike at 4% or better... efficiencies he didn't share with his fellow aldermen during his previous 9 years on Council... or anyone actually... but he is confident he would have the support of 8 aldermen to move his agenda forward... thus mocking the process of election... naming the 8...and basically saying you have the support of people who are going to win because everyone knows the incumbent has to kill a few voters in Calgary before they are removed... so average on a scale of corruption and from Chicago and Toronto to Dauphin Manitoba...
The skill we will try is the power of three... and unless you fall asleep one joke for each of the candidates... my lame attempts will follow each of the candidates and set the bar low but on task... Set-up line: I learned new things in the 1st week of campaigning...
Ric4Mayor: act as the front runner... let others shake the cage... and people are recording what I say...
Barb4Mayor: making difficult decisions on the go... the value of public forums and the power of laughter...
Nenshi4Mayor: the future of social media in elections... the joy of attending all public forums and reminding everyone I did and I now have a pretty good idea that the percentage of the police budget as a ratio to the the total GDP we spend on surveillance of known or suspected trouble makers is money well spent...
Wayne4Mayor: The expense in renting a 50' billboard in a prime downtown route... the number of homeless it would feed... and my attendance in the public forums rated a gold star from Naheed
Bob4Mayor: the passion for a thoughtful debate on the Airport Tunnel... the passion of my opponents and where I put the last of my lawn signs...
The rest of the candidates distinguished themselves by not being distinguishable... totally outside mainstream proposals or spent most of the week staring at the writing on the wall...
Friday, September 24, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 5
By your forwarded link you are entering a discussion with little or no known purpose... sorry... for the rest it is still a perspective gained when using skills handout #1 and being bored...
The arts were front and centre yesterday... the arts... the area of civic funding most associated with funding cuts to... the concept of belt tightening is catchy because... well really... walk around the civic plaza at lunchtime...
The candidates with aldermanic experience profiled their knowledge and depending on how you view knowledge is up to you...
Ric4Mayor should again try not to lose it "I hear your concerns and will answer them in a miming performance dance"
Barb4Mayor cited the congruence of SAIT... ACAD... Mount Royal University... The U of C... with the demands from networks... cable... for transmission and advertising revenue per wave space and the effect on services from local and international investor interests... so no relevant experience in the arts
Nenshi4Mayor this one is wobbly plank in his platform for mayor... the assumption being he has any artistic leanings... "A robot is art"... "Great minds stay at work and create but whatever"
Bob4Mayor has this one in the bag..."Can tell you what was for lunch at the 1st meeting of any arts committee"
Devine4Mayor Lord4Mayor might think of splitting a few signs together "Great art is Devine and inspired by the Lord"
Oscar4Mayor seems in favour of art that confuses aliens and ghosts "Performance art that's why I was peeing... performance art..."
With most of us... watching them handle the questions was an art...
Top 5 sings your candidate is fluent in the arts
# 5 Picked your pocket for $50 at a fundraiser
# 4 Sang in a choir once
# 3 Is blogging the experience of mayor and it has the makings of a hit sitcom
# 2 Wants to stick to the basics... yodeling... whittling and bareback
#1 sign your candidate is fluent in the arts...
Uses their hands like a French Canadian...
The arts were front and centre yesterday... the arts... the area of civic funding most associated with funding cuts to... the concept of belt tightening is catchy because... well really... walk around the civic plaza at lunchtime...
The candidates with aldermanic experience profiled their knowledge and depending on how you view knowledge is up to you...
Ric4Mayor should again try not to lose it "I hear your concerns and will answer them in a miming performance dance"
Barb4Mayor cited the congruence of SAIT... ACAD... Mount Royal University... The U of C... with the demands from networks... cable... for transmission and advertising revenue per wave space and the effect on services from local and international investor interests... so no relevant experience in the arts
Nenshi4Mayor this one is wobbly plank in his platform for mayor... the assumption being he has any artistic leanings... "A robot is art"... "Great minds stay at work and create but whatever"
Bob4Mayor has this one in the bag..."Can tell you what was for lunch at the 1st meeting of any arts committee"
Devine4Mayor Lord4Mayor might think of splitting a few signs together "Great art is Devine and inspired by the Lord"
Oscar4Mayor seems in favour of art that confuses aliens and ghosts "Performance art that's why I was peeing... performance art..."
With most of us... watching them handle the questions was an art...
Top 5 sings your candidate is fluent in the arts
# 5 Picked your pocket for $50 at a fundraiser
# 4 Sang in a choir once
# 3 Is blogging the experience of mayor and it has the makings of a hit sitcom
# 2 Wants to stick to the basics... yodeling... whittling and bareback
#1 sign your candidate is fluent in the arts...
Uses their hands like a French Canadian...
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 4
In a campaign you the reader will be forced to view images that are both disturbing and hold evidence of campaign malfeasance... this is neither... sorry. For the rest we are using skills handout #1 and are bored...
Everything seems to come down to experience... in joke telling and to a lesser degree in politics... the person telling the joke influenced the mood of the discussion... many a truth is spoken in jest sort of idea... and how quickly you pounce on your 1st scandal is critical... so here it is... the set-up In the digital age my candidate brings...
So for Ric4Mayor... it's his to lose... so something safe for the tweens, twips and twerps "Clarity in all that is in every spoken written wired or weird word"... or something obvious... "I have enough twits on my staff"... "Cut from the same cloth as your jeans"
Barb4Mayor has such a known quality the spin is more profound... "Barb knows where the wireless bodies are buried and is not afraid to excavate"... "Barb but only if experience counts"
Naheed4Mayor is making noise both from his social networking platform and tussle with the Police over something as trivial as numbers... can Sheldon become mayor... "According to my calculations you would be an idiot not to vote for me"... "Due to demand we will no longer be handing out the... Support your local police force force!... bumper-stickers" "I have diagnosed the police budget and find it has an efficient, effective and scary ability to respond quickly... to all threats... way higher than at the national standard... and at all hours... relentlessly..."
Bob4Mayor has a Twitter problem with a bobhoggsworth... because it's kinda funny... maybe appeal to the kids that you know what all the numbers and regulations mean..."Your friendly neighborhood uncle Bob"... "Been there done that wove the original t shirt"... a case could be made for "When I 1st started my 1st platform was Word Perfect" catchy......
Lord4Mayor and yes you should stoop when necessary and convenient "2 trillion hits to my name can't all be wrong"
Wayne4Mayor in theory has the knowledge and tact support of the current status quo... an insider who has never been elected... opposite might be fun... "Wayne ... I know nothing.... nothing" "Wayne I havea more than full and complete understanding of the environmental, social, political, financial, and spiritual consequences of communication deregulation factoring in the degradation of the transmission capacity in respect to stock performance."... "Wayne friend of communication"
Oscar4Mayor "Wear aluminum in your scarves"
The rest did not distinguish... except on their stance of selling Enmax Calgarys' lone profitable and relevant city service...
Set up: The subject of selling Enmax to pay the balance of the contracting bills left over from the previous administration is championed by a couple of the remaining candidates
Punchline: The proceeds from the sale would go towards funding a judicial review of how "World Class" piece of art in Calgary... worth more than 10 time what we have ever given a country let alone an artist for a piece... without a vote from Council approving it? Not a vote approving the possibility of having approved it down the line... depending on how the wind blows... that vote we know passed......
Tag line:the review will be held in-camera and according to our justifications... transparent
Everything seems to come down to experience... in joke telling and to a lesser degree in politics... the person telling the joke influenced the mood of the discussion... many a truth is spoken in jest sort of idea... and how quickly you pounce on your 1st scandal is critical... so here it is... the set-up In the digital age my candidate brings...
So for Ric4Mayor... it's his to lose... so something safe for the tweens, twips and twerps "Clarity in all that is in every spoken written wired or weird word"... or something obvious... "I have enough twits on my staff"... "Cut from the same cloth as your jeans"
Barb4Mayor has such a known quality the spin is more profound... "Barb knows where the wireless bodies are buried and is not afraid to excavate"... "Barb but only if experience counts"
Naheed4Mayor is making noise both from his social networking platform and tussle with the Police over something as trivial as numbers... can Sheldon become mayor... "According to my calculations you would be an idiot not to vote for me"... "Due to demand we will no longer be handing out the... Support your local police force force!... bumper-stickers" "I have diagnosed the police budget and find it has an efficient, effective and scary ability to respond quickly... to all threats... way higher than at the national standard... and at all hours... relentlessly..."
Bob4Mayor has a Twitter problem with a bobhoggsworth... because it's kinda funny... maybe appeal to the kids that you know what all the numbers and regulations mean..."Your friendly neighborhood uncle Bob"... "Been there done that wove the original t shirt"... a case could be made for "When I 1st started my 1st platform was Word Perfect" catchy......
Lord4Mayor and yes you should stoop when necessary and convenient "2 trillion hits to my name can't all be wrong"
Wayne4Mayor in theory has the knowledge and tact support of the current status quo... an insider who has never been elected... opposite might be fun... "Wayne ... I know nothing.... nothing" "Wayne I havea more than full and complete understanding of the environmental, social, political, financial, and spiritual consequences of communication deregulation factoring in the degradation of the transmission capacity in respect to stock performance."... "Wayne friend of communication"
Oscar4Mayor "Wear aluminum in your scarves"
The rest did not distinguish... except on their stance of selling Enmax Calgarys' lone profitable and relevant city service...
Set up: The subject of selling Enmax to pay the balance of the contracting bills left over from the previous administration is championed by a couple of the remaining candidates
Punchline: The proceeds from the sale would go towards funding a judicial review of how "World Class" piece of art in Calgary... worth more than 10 time what we have ever given a country let alone an artist for a piece... without a vote from Council approving it? Not a vote approving the possibility of having approved it down the line... depending on how the wind blows... that vote we know passed......
Tag line:the review will be held in-camera and according to our justifications... transparent
Thursday, September 23, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 3
If you have stumbled upon this blog in the hopes of finding clarity and common sense... again sorry... for the rest we are using skills handout #1 and are bored... The set-up for this lesson is... The slogan for my candidate is...
When covering a campaign in comedy using joke it is useful to create slogans based on your comic cartooning of each of the candidates. Let's face it anyone can say they are the best and promise their website contains more specific idea's than Moses brought down from the Mount... but how does a comic separate the wheat from the chaff? And more important how do you turn wheat into chaff?
As the front-runner Ric4Mayor gets the 1st shot... his comic slogan could be a take off on his moniker "Dr. No"... something like "If you don't believe I say no ask my wife" or it could be based on his record "I said no to any idea good or bad" or you could do an opposite... "I meant to say yes" or "yes I'll say anything to get elected". The slogan should follow on my cartoon image as someone who knows it's his to lose
Next up is Barb4Mayor This should be easy... a smart articulate woman who has spent years learning how Calgary works from the grass roots up and dedicated thousands of hours learning what we do, volunteering for causes we support, editing and delivering the days news... I cartooned her earlier as a reporter by day... crime-fighter by night caricature... but if she really was a crime-fighter... she would have to keep her identity quiet... perplexing all... I will go with the fear angle because there is a real fear among city officials that she will be elected and want to know what happened... "Be on the right side of Barb" "Barb... wire to wire" possibly... "Barb bad news for incompetence" or "Barb... please don't leave me alone to explain where the money went to her again" sorry that was more of a wiretap confession...
Naheed4Mayor is by far and away the candidate with the most passionate and social media savvy supporters. He's a professor at a local university... I call it a local university because it hasn't officially been named the Ralph Klein University... and is running his campaign on his intelligence... experience... ideas... and looks a lot like one of the characters on The Big Bang Theory... after he's had a few drinks... is Calgary ready for Sheldon as Mayor? I would joke it with "I can split the atom cutting a budget is child's play"..."I can't be bought I have no friends"... "My avatar is hotter than yours"..."Only candidate currently ranked in Halo Top 100 scores"
I cartooned Bob4Mayor as a sort of Friar Tuck with a dented Halo... because he is always on the right side of an issue even if it is the wrong issue... He must look around and go really... I have to compete with this? His slogan may be more jaded "Really you even have to think about it?"... "It's tough being right all the time... right dear?"... "I knew Ralph when he was an idiot reporter"
Lord4Mayor is just too easy... in the comic vernacular is it shooting dicks in a barrel... so go in a different direction... I suggest scatological... "Lord this place is a dump"... "... "Lord... what a shithole of irregularity and source only spending"... "Lord... there is no way I could do worse"
If Wayne4Mayor were running 30 years ago he would have been considered an uppity whippersnapper... and probably won... but he seems a little behind the times and is trying a bit too hard so... "Elect Wayne The Friend WTF.ca"... "It's Wayne s World Hommies"... "My hommies are the homeless" "A CEO who will BRB 2U"
Craig4Mayor... Joe4Mayor... Barry4Mayor are not easily separated from each other... and might consider a joint slogan... or have one and try to write a slogan... "You voted for us before why change now?"... "Proven Mediocrity"... one gets an extra slogan... "Compiling to the letter of campaign finance guidelines"
Every campaign needs an Oscar4Mayor if for no other reason than moving the debates along comically... my slogan would be "The voices of reason"... "Go Fech"... "Oscar nominated... Oscar performance"
Devine4Mayor "Give the Devine a chance" ... Hunter4Mayor "The Survivorman" ... Johnston4Mayor "Best Johnston in the race"... Dan4Mayor "As seen on Corner Gas"... Amanda4Mayor "Amanda balance the books"...
Ta da!
When covering a campaign in comedy using joke it is useful to create slogans based on your comic cartooning of each of the candidates. Let's face it anyone can say they are the best and promise their website contains more specific idea's than Moses brought down from the Mount... but how does a comic separate the wheat from the chaff? And more important how do you turn wheat into chaff?
As the front-runner Ric4Mayor gets the 1st shot... his comic slogan could be a take off on his moniker "Dr. No"... something like "If you don't believe I say no ask my wife" or it could be based on his record "I said no to any idea good or bad" or you could do an opposite... "I meant to say yes" or "yes I'll say anything to get elected". The slogan should follow on my cartoon image as someone who knows it's his to lose
Next up is Barb4Mayor This should be easy... a smart articulate woman who has spent years learning how Calgary works from the grass roots up and dedicated thousands of hours learning what we do, volunteering for causes we support, editing and delivering the days news... I cartooned her earlier as a reporter by day... crime-fighter by night caricature... but if she really was a crime-fighter... she would have to keep her identity quiet... perplexing all... I will go with the fear angle because there is a real fear among city officials that she will be elected and want to know what happened... "Be on the right side of Barb" "Barb... wire to wire" possibly... "Barb bad news for incompetence" or "Barb... please don't leave me alone to explain where the money went to her again" sorry that was more of a wiretap confession...
Naheed4Mayor is by far and away the candidate with the most passionate and social media savvy supporters. He's a professor at a local university... I call it a local university because it hasn't officially been named the Ralph Klein University... and is running his campaign on his intelligence... experience... ideas... and looks a lot like one of the characters on The Big Bang Theory... after he's had a few drinks... is Calgary ready for Sheldon as Mayor? I would joke it with "I can split the atom cutting a budget is child's play"..."I can't be bought I have no friends"... "My avatar is hotter than yours"..."Only candidate currently ranked in Halo Top 100 scores"
I cartooned Bob4Mayor as a sort of Friar Tuck with a dented Halo... because he is always on the right side of an issue even if it is the wrong issue... He must look around and go really... I have to compete with this? His slogan may be more jaded "Really you even have to think about it?"... "It's tough being right all the time... right dear?"... "I knew Ralph when he was an idiot reporter"
Lord4Mayor is just too easy... in the comic vernacular is it shooting dicks in a barrel... so go in a different direction... I suggest scatological... "Lord this place is a dump"... "... "Lord... what a shithole of irregularity and source only spending"... "Lord... there is no way I could do worse"
If Wayne4Mayor were running 30 years ago he would have been considered an uppity whippersnapper... and probably won... but he seems a little behind the times and is trying a bit too hard so... "Elect Wayne The Friend WTF.ca"... "It's Wayne s World Hommies"... "My hommies are the homeless" "A CEO who will BRB 2U"
Craig4Mayor... Joe4Mayor... Barry4Mayor are not easily separated from each other... and might consider a joint slogan... or have one and try to write a slogan... "You voted for us before why change now?"... "Proven Mediocrity"... one gets an extra slogan... "Compiling to the letter of campaign finance guidelines"
Every campaign needs an Oscar4Mayor if for no other reason than moving the debates along comically... my slogan would be "The voices of reason"... "Go Fech"... "Oscar nominated... Oscar performance"
Devine4Mayor "Give the Devine a chance" ... Hunter4Mayor "The Survivorman" ... Johnston4Mayor "Best Johnston in the race"... Dan4Mayor "As seen on Corner Gas"... Amanda4Mayor "Amanda balance the books"...
Ta da!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 2
Day 2 and your bad luck in finding this blog is compounded by the need to have skills handout #1 and be bored...
Today the focus was on who could promise to reduce the tax increase the most... and then the rebels who said we can have it all and nuts on the sundae... I like to use the opposite when joking money because there is no way to hold your numbers accountable... and the jokes just flow...
It was an election promise... who knew it would end up turning the land I owned into an airport?
A platform and brochures is important but variable. Last Council gave signing authority for millions if not billions to unelected managers... undocumented consultants... and some pretty shady people. This was done in place of Council votes. Was that in the campaign literature of any of the 2007 mayoral hopefuls? How about Alderman? How about in 2004, 2001, 1998...?
If no one comes clean and mentions their responsibility for handing over to a new Council a cash strapped, mortgaged to the hilt City what do the promises mean?
I promise to never again be that secretive, uninformed, naive alderman and lead Calgary to glory...
If as the leader of the race has suggested... it is easy for efficiencies to knock off $30 million in savings... why wasn't it already happening?
Snow removal? No problem... why didn't you say something... we on Council were so impressed with the increase in transit ridership we must have overlooked the number of commuters that just couldn't find their cars in the snow... my bad...
When it comes to joking the money it is impossible to be more ridiculous than the facts so try to use exaggeration, the opposite and limit the satire to the blindingly obvious.
Campaign donations are now in the evening news... some say disclose the names of donors now, some say after the campaign, some say forgedaboutit....
I don't think you can buy a mayoral candidate for the donation limit of $5000 per person... so we should find out how much it really costs. I think Council still has an auditor they are paying to stay home... lets ask her.
Calgary isn't New York where a guy can spend $1 Billion to get himself elected... the most money ever wasted on a campaign netted next to no support this time... so let's pretend this crop of candidates come with no strings attached to their candidacy... and do the jokes as they arise... with luck a candidate will get endorsed by Sarah Palin
Today the focus was on who could promise to reduce the tax increase the most... and then the rebels who said we can have it all and nuts on the sundae... I like to use the opposite when joking money because there is no way to hold your numbers accountable... and the jokes just flow...
It was an election promise... who knew it would end up turning the land I owned into an airport?
A platform and brochures is important but variable. Last Council gave signing authority for millions if not billions to unelected managers... undocumented consultants... and some pretty shady people. This was done in place of Council votes. Was that in the campaign literature of any of the 2007 mayoral hopefuls? How about Alderman? How about in 2004, 2001, 1998...?
If no one comes clean and mentions their responsibility for handing over to a new Council a cash strapped, mortgaged to the hilt City what do the promises mean?
I promise to never again be that secretive, uninformed, naive alderman and lead Calgary to glory...
If as the leader of the race has suggested... it is easy for efficiencies to knock off $30 million in savings... why wasn't it already happening?
Snow removal? No problem... why didn't you say something... we on Council were so impressed with the increase in transit ridership we must have overlooked the number of commuters that just couldn't find their cars in the snow... my bad...
When it comes to joking the money it is impossible to be more ridiculous than the facts so try to use exaggeration, the opposite and limit the satire to the blindingly obvious.
Campaign donations are now in the evening news... some say disclose the names of donors now, some say after the campaign, some say forgedaboutit....
I don't think you can buy a mayoral candidate for the donation limit of $5000 per person... so we should find out how much it really costs. I think Council still has an auditor they are paying to stay home... lets ask her.
Calgary isn't New York where a guy can spend $1 Billion to get himself elected... the most money ever wasted on a campaign netted next to no support this time... so let's pretend this crop of candidates come with no strings attached to their candidacy... and do the jokes as they arise... with luck a candidate will get endorsed by Sarah Palin
A bridge for the common wealth and peace of all
The pedestrian bridge that collapsed in New Delhi last week has put the Commonwealth Games in jeopardy. Where can they get a long span pedestrian bridge that will match the stadiums red and white design?
Think about it... our Peace Bridge hasn't left Spain yet so why don't we divert it to New Delhi... it's closer than Calgary as it is... we could find a way to take payment in kind... maybe tech support?
Think about it... our Peace Bridge hasn't left Spain yet so why don't we divert it to New Delhi... it's closer than Calgary as it is... we could find a way to take payment in kind... maybe tech support?
LFCCMCCUJ Volume 1
Once again sorry if you accidentally surfed into this... for the rest we are using skills handout #1 and we are bored...
Now is the time to assign a cartoon character to each of the candidates... unless they are already too cartoonish in which case we hope they say or print something stupid...Like one aldermanic candidate spelled the city "Clagary" on his campaign literature. I don't want to name him because he isn't running for mayor... but if he had been... it would have been his Logo in avatar...
Cartooning a candidate is to use one or all of the techniques in the Wits skills handout #1 or wing it... either way... to create the perspective the jokes take. I will run down the list of candidates and see if you can imagine the cartooning being done to the candidate or what is being left to ferment into a fine whine...
I will begin alphabetically from #1 on skill handout #1 Exaggeration and from the bottom by candidate... and start the process...
Craig Burrows Out to prove he was worth every penny we spent educating him...
Joe Connelly Former Alderman wants to take back the city from people like him...
Bonnie Devine What a great moniker... have a Devine time... maybe a princess tiara
Barry Erskine Possible lead for a sit com about a candidate that has to spend all the campaign money from his last successful election campaign of '84 or face Revenue Canada
Oscar Fech This guy has issues... give him a soap box
Bob Hawkesworth He has a kind of friar tuck fight the good fight thing going... maybe a dented halo
Barb Higgins Former news anchor by day and crime fighter by night... would be feared by all...
Sandra Hunter Pack
Gary F. Johnston Pack
Dan Knight Pack
Amanda Liu She is one of the pack... like Pigpen from Peanuts... running after the contenders in a cloud of dirt...
Jon Lord Come on... he's a Lord... he believes in faith and prayer and a really raw chicken dinner taking out the rest of the candidates...
Ric McIver Everyone keeps telling him "It's yours to lose"... will find a way...
Naheed K. Nenshi Charismatic in a Big Bang Theory way...
Wayne Stewart Former CEO, charitable background, nice guy... too qualified
Now is the time to assign a cartoon character to each of the candidates... unless they are already too cartoonish in which case we hope they say or print something stupid...Like one aldermanic candidate spelled the city "Clagary" on his campaign literature. I don't want to name him because he isn't running for mayor... but if he had been... it would have been his Logo in avatar...
Cartooning a candidate is to use one or all of the techniques in the Wits skills handout #1 or wing it... either way... to create the perspective the jokes take. I will run down the list of candidates and see if you can imagine the cartooning being done to the candidate or what is being left to ferment into a fine whine...
I will begin alphabetically from #1 on skill handout #1 Exaggeration and from the bottom by candidate... and start the process...
Craig Burrows Out to prove he was worth every penny we spent educating him...
Joe Connelly Former Alderman wants to take back the city from people like him...
Bonnie Devine What a great moniker... have a Devine time... maybe a princess tiara
Barry Erskine Possible lead for a sit com about a candidate that has to spend all the campaign money from his last successful election campaign of '84 or face Revenue Canada
Oscar Fech This guy has issues... give him a soap box
Bob Hawkesworth He has a kind of friar tuck fight the good fight thing going... maybe a dented halo
Barb Higgins Former news anchor by day and crime fighter by night... would be feared by all...
Sandra Hunter Pack
Gary F. Johnston Pack
Dan Knight Pack
Amanda Liu She is one of the pack... like Pigpen from Peanuts... running after the contenders in a cloud of dirt...
Jon Lord Come on... he's a Lord... he believes in faith and prayer and a really raw chicken dinner taking out the rest of the candidates...
Ric McIver Everyone keeps telling him "It's yours to lose"... will find a way...
Naheed K. Nenshi Charismatic in a Big Bang Theory way...
Wayne Stewart Former CEO, charitable background, nice guy... too qualified
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Day 1 YYC MC
From what I have seen so far the candidates did not disgrace themselves, have a melt down during debates or urinate openly in a fountain... all bad things for joke...as always we are using skills handout #1 and are bored...
The main issue was what business and property interests the mayor and council have and where infrastructure money is spent... old timers know it as getting Petrasucked...
Another candidate mentioned doing the business of the city in public as compared to in camera which was ironic... the anchor doesn't want to film the meetings and the politicians do...
All of the contenders suddenly know where the money is and ways to spend less while earning more... they call it efficiencies... it's like when you put on an old pair of pants and find $10 bucks... suddenly you feel rich and superior to others...
The 1st debate was at a seniors lodge and the 2nd was with teens who were still coming home from the Justin Beaver concert...
The seniors spent most of the debate complaining about the egg salad while the tweens uploaded their love and personal devotion to Justin one twit at a time...
This is one of the few races where an academic is claiming they have more real world experience than candidates who have been in business, the media or were previously elected officials... I can't even make up a better punchline...
The main issue was what business and property interests the mayor and council have and where infrastructure money is spent... old timers know it as getting Petrasucked...
Another candidate mentioned doing the business of the city in public as compared to in camera which was ironic... the anchor doesn't want to film the meetings and the politicians do...
All of the contenders suddenly know where the money is and ways to spend less while earning more... they call it efficiencies... it's like when you put on an old pair of pants and find $10 bucks... suddenly you feel rich and superior to others...
The 1st debate was at a seniors lodge and the 2nd was with teens who were still coming home from the Justin Beaver concert...
The seniors spent most of the debate complaining about the egg salad while the tweens uploaded their love and personal devotion to Justin one twit at a time...
This is one of the few races where an academic is claiming they have more real world experience than candidates who have been in business, the media or were previously elected officials... I can't even make up a better punchline...
Politicking from the past
For those of you reading this for the 1st time... again congratulations... and for the rest you are using skills handout #1 and are bored...the lesson is about comedy and the YYC mayoral race... and I am prejudiced...
When covering a campaign comidically it is best to have a basic understanding as to how civic politics has been run for the last 100000... generations... the drawback in being involved in a winning campaign is you have to do it again... and there are some very difficult decisions that are required to continue the gravy train... who gets the roads contracts? My brother... or my other brother?
Social media however has freed us from the pettiness of modern elected politics so the instances of any possible conflicts of interest in any of the interests of any of YYC's municipal mayoral candidates... is rare like the beef...
In YYC voters have a real chance to meet the mayor... and later tweet an OMG to their WTF'S...
This blog is about teaching how to joke a campaign... again you will need skills handout #1 a watchful eye for comedy and laughter...all in the hopes of covering the campaign with ignorance in the form of joke as our medium...
Today's exercise... after the Love-In... making fun of the obvious events from Nomination day...
Truth: On Monday the candidates put down their money and signatures...
Truth: Network media covered the event...
Truth: Social Media covered the event...
Truth: Homeless shelters enjoyed the leftovers...
For those of you in the Wit and Writing for Women Meetup it would be... the power of 3...
The most surprising name at the nomination was Jack Frost... are we ever going to see the sun?
Kent Hehr bowed out of the race after running a spirited... pre campaign I guess... I was worried because if he had gained any traction and came close the headline would be "Missed by a Kent Hehr"
It was reported a Grade 2 class was at City Hall for the event as a part of show and tell. The kids were upset because none of the candidates would tell and when they looked in the bushes they got more show than they wanted...
So... for those of you following along with skills handout#1 it was satire, mocking, disdain, exaggeration, power of 3, call back, the opposite, rhyme,casual, and again... boring...
When covering a campaign comidically it is best to have a basic understanding as to how civic politics has been run for the last 100000... generations... the drawback in being involved in a winning campaign is you have to do it again... and there are some very difficult decisions that are required to continue the gravy train... who gets the roads contracts? My brother... or my other brother?
Social media however has freed us from the pettiness of modern elected politics so the instances of any possible conflicts of interest in any of the interests of any of YYC's municipal mayoral candidates... is rare like the beef...
In YYC voters have a real chance to meet the mayor... and later tweet an OMG to their WTF'S...
This blog is about teaching how to joke a campaign... again you will need skills handout #1 a watchful eye for comedy and laughter...all in the hopes of covering the campaign with ignorance in the form of joke as our medium...
Today's exercise... after the Love-In... making fun of the obvious events from Nomination day...
Truth: On Monday the candidates put down their money and signatures...
Truth: Network media covered the event...
Truth: Social Media covered the event...
Truth: Homeless shelters enjoyed the leftovers...
For those of you in the Wit and Writing for Women Meetup it would be... the power of 3...
The most surprising name at the nomination was Jack Frost... are we ever going to see the sun?
Kent Hehr bowed out of the race after running a spirited... pre campaign I guess... I was worried because if he had gained any traction and came close the headline would be "Missed by a Kent Hehr"
It was reported a Grade 2 class was at City Hall for the event as a part of show and tell. The kids were upset because none of the candidates would tell and when they looked in the bushes they got more show than they wanted...
So... for those of you following along with skills handout#1 it was satire, mocking, disdain, exaggeration, power of 3, call back, the opposite, rhyme,casual, and again... boring...
Monday, September 20, 2010
YYC... Why oh Why?
Campaign Humour
So you think you want to make fun of your local election? The easy way is to just repeat what the candidates actually say in public, but trying to write jokes can also generate some giggles.
For this lesson you will need skills handout # 1... a working computer... a pen or a chizzle... whatever... jot down... cut and paste... photocopy... memorize... or shoot a video of the 15 mayoral candidates in Calgary's civic election... like this...
Craig Burrows
Joe Connelly
Bonnie Devine
Barry Erskine
Oscar Fech
Bob Hawkesworth
Barb Higgins
Sandra Hunter
Gary F. Johnston
Dan Knight
Amanda Liu
Jon Lord
Ric McIver
Naheed K. Nenshi
Wayne Stewart
How do I cartoon and make jokes of the aspirations of these noble civil servants... because I have been one of them... I was a candidate for mayor of YYC... was skewered... with just cause... I continue the proud tradition...
I do have a favourite... only because I always secretly and never with success cheered for the one who might bring sanity to City Hall...
I do believe the higher you go in the polls and eye of the public the more direct and cutting the jokes should be... but insanity and instability... my mayoral nicknames... are fair game...
As an instructor I will be using the basic premise of set-up and punchline as the equation and the skills handout #1 as the variables... I will write jokes based on the events, lies, fiction, half truths, insinuations and condescending speech of the candidates and their platforms as the campaign rolls out......
As students your challenge is to become aware of where and how joke is being used during the campaign... what jokes are being said... blogged... tweeted or printed... are they funny or memorable... what skills are they using...
Do not in any way accept the premise that my views are contained in the jokes... some will... some won’t... I have no grudges... misunderstandings...personal friendships... with any of the candidates... I have nothing... but my rinkey dink jokes...
Nominations close on Sept. 20 2010... let the mocking... ridiculing... exaggerating... etc... begin...
So you think you want to make fun of your local election? The easy way is to just repeat what the candidates actually say in public, but trying to write jokes can also generate some giggles.
For this lesson you will need skills handout # 1... a working computer... a pen or a chizzle... whatever... jot down... cut and paste... photocopy... memorize... or shoot a video of the 15 mayoral candidates in Calgary's civic election... like this...
Craig Burrows
Joe Connelly
Bonnie Devine
Barry Erskine
Oscar Fech
Bob Hawkesworth
Barb Higgins
Sandra Hunter
Gary F. Johnston
Dan Knight
Amanda Liu
Jon Lord
Ric McIver
Naheed K. Nenshi
Wayne Stewart
How do I cartoon and make jokes of the aspirations of these noble civil servants... because I have been one of them... I was a candidate for mayor of YYC... was skewered... with just cause... I continue the proud tradition...
I do have a favourite... only because I always secretly and never with success cheered for the one who might bring sanity to City Hall...
I do believe the higher you go in the polls and eye of the public the more direct and cutting the jokes should be... but insanity and instability... my mayoral nicknames... are fair game...
As an instructor I will be using the basic premise of set-up and punchline as the equation and the skills handout #1 as the variables... I will write jokes based on the events, lies, fiction, half truths, insinuations and condescending speech of the candidates and their platforms as the campaign rolls out......
As students your challenge is to become aware of where and how joke is being used during the campaign... what jokes are being said... blogged... tweeted or printed... are they funny or memorable... what skills are they using...
Do not in any way accept the premise that my views are contained in the jokes... some will... some won’t... I have no grudges... misunderstandings...personal friendships... with any of the candidates... I have nothing... but my rinkey dink jokes...
Nominations close on Sept. 20 2010... let the mocking... ridiculing... exaggerating... etc... begin...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
derek4mayor.ca
It’s sure fun to read the Herald readers comments in the attempt to stereotype Barb Higgins as nothing more than a “reader”. Granted she can read, putting her ahead of a few of the candidates. To limit her qualifications by her profession is like saying Ric McIvor can only say no, Bob Hawkesworth can only say yes and Paul Hughes lays a mean egg.
What is missing from the discussion on Barbs qualifications is any mention of her vast and complex community experience. Barb profiled people and organizations as part of her job with the gusto of a trooper taking a dune. Barb walked a mile in the shoes and usually the most demanding, unflattering task...
An organization who had Barb attached found she was more than just a figure head lining her resume. Barb became involved. She did the grunt work, took the lessons, manned the phones and put herself out... in order to understand not only the cause but the people and process involved. I too want to see her platform but more important I want a mayor who represents the very best of what Calgary can be.
Barb is someone who will try, at the expense of looking silly, or vulnerable, to understand our passion and promote our cause. Politicians like to make promises but I think this year I will give my vote to someone who has never given us a promise, just done everything she could to understand our concerns and participate in our community.
And to the best of my knowledge she doesn’t own any property that needs an LRT, walk anywhere that would benefit from a Designer Bridge or have tunnel vision.
What is missing from the discussion on Barbs qualifications is any mention of her vast and complex community experience. Barb profiled people and organizations as part of her job with the gusto of a trooper taking a dune. Barb walked a mile in the shoes and usually the most demanding, unflattering task...
An organization who had Barb attached found she was more than just a figure head lining her resume. Barb became involved. She did the grunt work, took the lessons, manned the phones and put herself out... in order to understand not only the cause but the people and process involved. I too want to see her platform but more important I want a mayor who represents the very best of what Calgary can be.
Barb is someone who will try, at the expense of looking silly, or vulnerable, to understand our passion and promote our cause. Politicians like to make promises but I think this year I will give my vote to someone who has never given us a promise, just done everything she could to understand our concerns and participate in our community.
And to the best of my knowledge she doesn’t own any property that needs an LRT, walk anywhere that would benefit from a Designer Bridge or have tunnel vision.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
derek4mayor.ca
¾ there…
Immigration is divisive. Who gets what… when…
We know the where… and why.
How… that’s a whole other kettle of feathers…
How about… the ¾ there solution?
If 3 out of 4 of your direct blood relations were citizens of Calgary… if 3 of your grandparents lived in Calgary… you are a citizen.. ta da!
Everyone else gets the rights of being Canadian… which will be worth way more than anything Calgary could offer…
But I digress…
As mayor of Calgary what would your candidate do about the question of a Calgary Citizenship… after they finished laughing…
Immigration is divisive. Who gets what… when…
We know the where… and why.
How… that’s a whole other kettle of feathers…
How about… the ¾ there solution?
If 3 out of 4 of your direct blood relations were citizens of Calgary… if 3 of your grandparents lived in Calgary… you are a citizen.. ta da!
Everyone else gets the rights of being Canadian… which will be worth way more than anything Calgary could offer…
But I digress…
As mayor of Calgary what would your candidate do about the question of a Calgary Citizenship… after they finished laughing…
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
CHEERS 2 City Hall
In May of 1995 the City of Calgary provided funding under the Innovative/Preventive Community and Social Development Department for a 12 week program aimed at teaching stand-up comedy to persons with a Severe and Persistent Mental Illness. The initiative as approved by Council... unanimously... was called the CHEERS project.
The initiative was a joint venture... all puns noted... between the City of Calgary... represented as the funder... the Canadian Mental Health Association the program manager... me as the Creative Dictator... and of course the Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Social Workers...et all... who managed to keep me on task for 6 months...
The initiative was a joint venture... all puns noted... between the City of Calgary... represented as the funder... the Canadian Mental Health Association the program manager... me as the Creative Dictator... and of course the Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Social Workers...et all... who managed to keep me on task for 6 months...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
derek4mayor.ca
As this is the time of year for leaves and politicians to fall... I am reminded of the time I ran for Mayor of Calgary... reminded haunted... whatever...
If memory serves me right it was September 13 2001... 2 days after 911... that I paid my deposit... submitted my signatures and entered the race... I had my camouflage wardrobe on... what could possibly go wrong? In hindsight a campaign that relied on ambush publicity stunts was going to get the wrong kind of attention from jittery security officials... again I am sorry to all who were offended by my TNT shaped mail-out...
I ran on a platform of mental illness... a surprisingly large demographic in Calgary... my platform would have shut the downtown core from traffic... except for emergency, logistics and riot control... the usual...
I would have built 4 or 5 LRT lines from the core to service all of Calgary even if it was only for a few stops... this would begin the connection to full city coverage... I proposed using the energy of commuters peddling on stationary bikes on the way to work... at gym clubs and at the office to power it...
Crowchild Trail would be a bypass... with direct access to Casino's, gas, smokes and corn... subject to permit... to the south and direct lines of roads and transit connecting MRU, SAIT, ACA, UOC,AA to the north... with LRT connections to the far community of Cochrane and have the platform stop in front of McKay's Ice Cream...
I wanted to replace the existing LRT track with magnetic ones... and I would have too... can you imagine the revenue from spare change sticking to the tracks? The technology we would adapt from existing high speed trains and would create a... clean... affordable... really fast creepy late night full moon ride home from a Goth club... our cars could be adapted to run on the tracks and would have a built in magnetic stripe to cover the fee with a direct deposit charge...
At the time the Cecil... Calgary's most interesting Bar... was going strong and so I proposed building a +15 from the Cecil directly to the Drop In... it turned out to be not only a sound municipal initiative... but also somewhat of an oft copied joke...
Skateboarders had to run a battery charger in order to replace the fuses that were going to be blown when I made it legal on all City roads... sidewalks and driveways... I thought of promoting competitions and allowing the events to pay for paving new roads... we could later advertise them as Extreme Sidewalks... motto... Heads Up!
My platform included having the police force outfitted in a tasteful shade of pink... I mean really who can see them coming when they are all in black? The pink would make them more visible and I'm sure would soften the effects on criminals when they were Tazed...
I agreed we needed to build a new water treatment plan... but thought we should look outside the box and find a way to remove the estrogen and female hormones that are affecting our initial water supply... either that or make bras... Kleenex and decorating tips for men deductible from property taxes...
I like the tone of Mayor Dave in his dealings with the Province... I was advocating separation from Alberta if they didn't give me the money for my toys... I was amazed at how much money can be gained when you stomp your feet and hold your breath... I mean they gave him an interchange on Chrowchild and 50th Ave. SW that allowed him to get to the mountains for skiing quicker... a water treatment plant for south side needs... an LRT train that runs right in front of his backyard... all paid for in advance with the cost overruns deducted from other projects... WOW!!! I am impressed...
The West LRT... or Dave's Driveway... is being erected in record speed and shows the sound policy of having pre-paid all of the expenses... Calgarians are proud of the speed in which they have been shut down from their morning travel routes... our City workers don't just sit on their ass... they place orange traffic cones on pretty well every street... I have read the amount given to the General Contractor was $703 million... and who among us has not given the person doing a renovation on our home all of the money up front? There is a chance Calgarians will get the $500 GST rebate for doing a home improvement but 1st they have to establish how much of the renovations were done in Dave's backyard...
The idea of my candidacy was to bring a light on the plague of homelessness... promote humour, comedy and joke... and would cost no more than the price of a good suit...
My slogan... if elected I promise to find an apartment...
I was against the idea of warehousing the homeless... there were many more creative and positive alternatives for the Drop In Centre... personally I liked the idea of turning it into a Belly Dance Pavilion... not only would the street traffic improve but if they did enough spins then maybe we could air the place out...
In short there was no way in hell I would get elected... considered... or housed...
Some of my idea's were adopted despite their apparent lunacy...
Borrowing our great grandchildren's nest egg for pet projects... I mean look how young they are... what kind of decisions will they be capable of?
Bearable tax increases disguised with atmospheric increases in fees and Bylaw enforcement fines... my platform included arming the Bylaw Enforcement Officers... because in almost all of recorded history tax collectors were packing heat
Building the most expensive and pedestrian Chinese puzzle bridge in the World... I saw it as an anchor and hoped to build other expensive bridges so close together that in a pinch we could drive on them...I suggested using some home grown talent in the design or fabrication... so I admire the balls of contracting it all from Spain...
I considered running this time... but I own no property needing an LRT connection...
The only growth in government spending is going to be tied up defending and instigating suits resulting from the shoddy work, mind bending cost overruns and... to paraphrase reports and insider comments... creating a culture fostering an environment that anything was possible except following conventional accounting principles and practices...
Above all despite spending more time outside than any possible contender... I have no idea where the bodies are buried...
Barb Higgins... Mayor... it sounds right...
If memory serves me right it was September 13 2001... 2 days after 911... that I paid my deposit... submitted my signatures and entered the race... I had my camouflage wardrobe on... what could possibly go wrong? In hindsight a campaign that relied on ambush publicity stunts was going to get the wrong kind of attention from jittery security officials... again I am sorry to all who were offended by my TNT shaped mail-out...
I ran on a platform of mental illness... a surprisingly large demographic in Calgary... my platform would have shut the downtown core from traffic... except for emergency, logistics and riot control... the usual...
I would have built 4 or 5 LRT lines from the core to service all of Calgary even if it was only for a few stops... this would begin the connection to full city coverage... I proposed using the energy of commuters peddling on stationary bikes on the way to work... at gym clubs and at the office to power it...
Crowchild Trail would be a bypass... with direct access to Casino's, gas, smokes and corn... subject to permit... to the south and direct lines of roads and transit connecting MRU, SAIT, ACA, UOC,AA to the north... with LRT connections to the far community of Cochrane and have the platform stop in front of McKay's Ice Cream...
I wanted to replace the existing LRT track with magnetic ones... and I would have too... can you imagine the revenue from spare change sticking to the tracks? The technology we would adapt from existing high speed trains and would create a... clean... affordable... really fast creepy late night full moon ride home from a Goth club... our cars could be adapted to run on the tracks and would have a built in magnetic stripe to cover the fee with a direct deposit charge...
At the time the Cecil... Calgary's most interesting Bar... was going strong and so I proposed building a +15 from the Cecil directly to the Drop In... it turned out to be not only a sound municipal initiative... but also somewhat of an oft copied joke...
Skateboarders had to run a battery charger in order to replace the fuses that were going to be blown when I made it legal on all City roads... sidewalks and driveways... I thought of promoting competitions and allowing the events to pay for paving new roads... we could later advertise them as Extreme Sidewalks... motto... Heads Up!
My platform included having the police force outfitted in a tasteful shade of pink... I mean really who can see them coming when they are all in black? The pink would make them more visible and I'm sure would soften the effects on criminals when they were Tazed...
I agreed we needed to build a new water treatment plan... but thought we should look outside the box and find a way to remove the estrogen and female hormones that are affecting our initial water supply... either that or make bras... Kleenex and decorating tips for men deductible from property taxes...
I like the tone of Mayor Dave in his dealings with the Province... I was advocating separation from Alberta if they didn't give me the money for my toys... I was amazed at how much money can be gained when you stomp your feet and hold your breath... I mean they gave him an interchange on Chrowchild and 50th Ave. SW that allowed him to get to the mountains for skiing quicker... a water treatment plant for south side needs... an LRT train that runs right in front of his backyard... all paid for in advance with the cost overruns deducted from other projects... WOW!!! I am impressed...
The West LRT... or Dave's Driveway... is being erected in record speed and shows the sound policy of having pre-paid all of the expenses... Calgarians are proud of the speed in which they have been shut down from their morning travel routes... our City workers don't just sit on their ass... they place orange traffic cones on pretty well every street... I have read the amount given to the General Contractor was $703 million... and who among us has not given the person doing a renovation on our home all of the money up front? There is a chance Calgarians will get the $500 GST rebate for doing a home improvement but 1st they have to establish how much of the renovations were done in Dave's backyard...
The idea of my candidacy was to bring a light on the plague of homelessness... promote humour, comedy and joke... and would cost no more than the price of a good suit...
My slogan... if elected I promise to find an apartment...
I was against the idea of warehousing the homeless... there were many more creative and positive alternatives for the Drop In Centre... personally I liked the idea of turning it into a Belly Dance Pavilion... not only would the street traffic improve but if they did enough spins then maybe we could air the place out...
In short there was no way in hell I would get elected... considered... or housed...
Some of my idea's were adopted despite their apparent lunacy...
Borrowing our great grandchildren's nest egg for pet projects... I mean look how young they are... what kind of decisions will they be capable of?
Bearable tax increases disguised with atmospheric increases in fees and Bylaw enforcement fines... my platform included arming the Bylaw Enforcement Officers... because in almost all of recorded history tax collectors were packing heat
Building the most expensive and pedestrian Chinese puzzle bridge in the World... I saw it as an anchor and hoped to build other expensive bridges so close together that in a pinch we could drive on them...I suggested using some home grown talent in the design or fabrication... so I admire the balls of contracting it all from Spain...
I considered running this time... but I own no property needing an LRT connection...
The only growth in government spending is going to be tied up defending and instigating suits resulting from the shoddy work, mind bending cost overruns and... to paraphrase reports and insider comments... creating a culture fostering an environment that anything was possible except following conventional accounting principles and practices...
Above all despite spending more time outside than any possible contender... I have no idea where the bodies are buried...
Barb Higgins... Mayor... it sounds right...
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