Top 5 signs your candidate is panicking
# 5 Demands an all party meeting on the state of his finances
# 4 Points out his campaign has been in a recession for years
# 3 He was found hoarding all the donuts in his campaign office
# 2 She calls for a loosening of rates to first time bunker buyers
# 1 His lawn signs are sporting fright wigs
Headline: BQ sends signals they will be interested in forming a Government with the Liberals.
Talks are stalled on who will be on top and who is on the bottom
Officials are still trying to decide if a carbon tax or a corporate tax is the best way to shift the money from the West to the Quebec.
Headline: Conservatives defend cost of Afghanistan mission
Party officials note the mission cost increased when they made the decision to actually arm the soldiers.
Arts groups in Quebec quickly protested saying they could twice as many box-office bombs for half the price.
Headline: Layton says he won’t gamble with your savings
He then gave 3:5 odds on the chance the Canadian economy would benefit from an NDP government.
Headline: Dion requires 4 takes to answer a TV reporter’s question
Liberal officials say it was just another example of gotcha journalism because he was asked to be specific.
Party officials are crying foul because he wasn’t allowed to have Elizabeth May in the room to translate.
Headline: Final week of the campaign coincides with Mental Health Awareness Week
Party leaders are honouring the week by driving us into depression, offering schizophrenic promises and making the case for increased anger management funding.
Headline: Canadian banks rated safest in the world
Conservatives say it is a result of the policies of Stephen Harper, Liberals say it is the legacy of Paul Martin and the NDP claims it is a delayed reaction to the work of Tommy Douglas.
Headline: Liberals say they have a transition team in place
Liberals are scrambling to stop Bob Rae from lobbying for the position of finance minister.
Dion ducked the question of Elizabeth May being in her cabinet he says it is just as important she stay in his pocket.
Headline: Leaders differ on retirement strategies
Liberals favour Lotto 649 while the Conservatives strongly prefer scratch and wins.
The NDP says it all starts at the kitchen table meaning there are plenty of jobs available for seniors in food preparation.
Headline: NDP hold rally in underground mine
The rally was to show solidarity for workers and to choose rooms for the coming Armageddon engineered solely by the Conservatives.
Experts say this is a great place to discuss the NDP tax plans because they don’t look nearly as good in the light of day.
Headline: Dion claims the Green Shift will benefit Alberta and Saskatchewan
The biggest benefit will come when they are able to see their resource revenues funding tasteful Quebec films and game shows.
Dion says he will be saving the oil production for future generations but promises there will be enough gas for voters to move back to the East.
Headline: Montreal loses Formula 1 race
The BQ is furious the with federal government for not spending more money to protect the race as they see this as a great way to show the world Quebec is an independent country.
Headline: Green party candidate quits increasing the Liberals chances
For a party that prides itself on being green they sure have a lot of yellow candidates.
Party officials say they have no agreement with the Liberals but are already asking that for the next debate May be allowed to sit in Dion’s lap.
The NDP was quick to point out their party would be better at reneging on their obligations than the Greens ever would.
Headline: Conservatives raise the possibility of PM Dion
Liberals are outraged saying the politics of fear has no place in an election.
The stock market reacted by dropping 500 points after the words were spoken causing an investigation as to whether Harpers mom was engaging in short selling.
Headline: Economists come out in support of a carbon tax
Reacting to the news officials with the Conservatives say the economists are just blowing smoke.
Put into perspective this is the same group that predicted steady growth of the economy for the next couple of years.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Column 8
Top 5 signs the campaign has gone negative
# 5 The kitchen table is now littered with cleavers and hatchets
# 4 Leaders start wearing sweater-vests made from Kevlar
# 3 Spin doctors are now making house calls.
# 2 Whistle stop tours feature real police whistles
# 1 When people say they had a riot at the rally they mean it literally
Headline: Dion visits the Arctic
He found selling the Green Shift plan much easier to a population that has 75 different words for snow.
While he was there he visited those endangered by climate change including polar bears, seals and his candidates.
Headline: BQ holds large rally in Quebec
Sports fans were disappointed the event didn’t have some local economic benefits like looting.
Headline: Auto workers pile safety boots at the riding office of finance minister.
The boots are a symbol of the workers newest menu item, filet of sole.
The boots if laid end to end would reach the plant that was moved to Pennsylvania.
Headline: NDP change sign colours from orange to green
Layton says this is just another reason for Green supporters to join them as they are recycling Marijuana party signs.
Party officials say they will continue their attacks on the traditional parties’ attempts to fool you with cheap election stunts.
Headline: Liberal candidate Bob Rae says NDP is not a viable party
In particular Rae warned against implementing policies he wrote when he was with the NDP.
Ironically Rae called the current economic difficulties the greatest financial disaster since the NDP was elected to run Ontario.
Headline: Conservatives finally release complete election platform
Insiders say by releasing the promises over a long period it gives the voters a chance to forget the previous ones.
Party officials say it is a cost cutting measure and they hope to save some of the promises for the next year’s election.
Headline: Author Margret Atwood throws her support to the BQ
Atwood said “When a caribou dies 52 other organisms gain a living from the organism”. She then mused if Quebec was to separate from Canada at least that many artists would come up with great poems to mark the event.
Atwood says as a supporter of the arts she could see Quebec separating if it was done tastefully.
When Sarah Palin heard this she quickly added caribou to her economic policy menu.
Headline: Liberals drop Green Shift and introduce “plan for the people”
The plan is to distract people from associating the Green Shift with Liberals.
The plan has a focus on the economy including a 5 point emergency response, a 30 day implementation and a 10 step recovery.
Headline: Economy overtaking the environment as top election issue
Now if a tree falls in the forest it is a sign the logging industry is hopefully picking up.
Most voters say the focus on climate change is leaving them with less cold hard cash.
Headline: Liberals and NDP discuss forming a coalition
Elizabeth May is now regretting throwing her support behind Dion saying his love for her was a fraud.
Officials with both parties deny there is a relationship saying they are just friends with billion dollar benefits.
Headline: U.S. and Canadian campaigns turn ugly
Republicans are accusing Obama of associating with terrorists and the opposition parties in Canada are sinking lower claiming Harper is hanging out with economists.
Headline: Liberal supporters get brake lines cut in Toronto
Noting the amateurish attempt at sabotage the NDP reminded voters if you want to get the job done right hire unionized workers.
Headline: Former PM Martin to release a book accusing Chretien of sabotaging his leadership
The book will lay out the devious ways Chretien undercut Martin when he was a leader or as aspiring Liberal leadership candidates call it, a blueprint.
Headline: Canadian singers release a climate change song called “You have a choice” attacking Harpers environmental policy.
The video is a labour of love with singers flying in from all over the world to complain about the Conservatives carbon emission plans.
A Conservative spokesman applauded the artists’ efforts saying their attempt to snow the voters will surely reduce global warming.
The irony is you have a choice to vote based on a song or based on the issues.
Headline: Dion says hearing problem affects his ability to speak English
Party officials say it was his deaf ear that caused him to ignore warnings his Green Shift was a vote killer.
# 5 The kitchen table is now littered with cleavers and hatchets
# 4 Leaders start wearing sweater-vests made from Kevlar
# 3 Spin doctors are now making house calls.
# 2 Whistle stop tours feature real police whistles
# 1 When people say they had a riot at the rally they mean it literally
Headline: Dion visits the Arctic
He found selling the Green Shift plan much easier to a population that has 75 different words for snow.
While he was there he visited those endangered by climate change including polar bears, seals and his candidates.
Headline: BQ holds large rally in Quebec
Sports fans were disappointed the event didn’t have some local economic benefits like looting.
Headline: Auto workers pile safety boots at the riding office of finance minister.
The boots are a symbol of the workers newest menu item, filet of sole.
The boots if laid end to end would reach the plant that was moved to Pennsylvania.
Headline: NDP change sign colours from orange to green
Layton says this is just another reason for Green supporters to join them as they are recycling Marijuana party signs.
Party officials say they will continue their attacks on the traditional parties’ attempts to fool you with cheap election stunts.
Headline: Liberal candidate Bob Rae says NDP is not a viable party
In particular Rae warned against implementing policies he wrote when he was with the NDP.
Ironically Rae called the current economic difficulties the greatest financial disaster since the NDP was elected to run Ontario.
Headline: Conservatives finally release complete election platform
Insiders say by releasing the promises over a long period it gives the voters a chance to forget the previous ones.
Party officials say it is a cost cutting measure and they hope to save some of the promises for the next year’s election.
Headline: Author Margret Atwood throws her support to the BQ
Atwood said “When a caribou dies 52 other organisms gain a living from the organism”. She then mused if Quebec was to separate from Canada at least that many artists would come up with great poems to mark the event.
Atwood says as a supporter of the arts she could see Quebec separating if it was done tastefully.
When Sarah Palin heard this she quickly added caribou to her economic policy menu.
Headline: Liberals drop Green Shift and introduce “plan for the people”
The plan is to distract people from associating the Green Shift with Liberals.
The plan has a focus on the economy including a 5 point emergency response, a 30 day implementation and a 10 step recovery.
Headline: Economy overtaking the environment as top election issue
Now if a tree falls in the forest it is a sign the logging industry is hopefully picking up.
Most voters say the focus on climate change is leaving them with less cold hard cash.
Headline: Liberals and NDP discuss forming a coalition
Elizabeth May is now regretting throwing her support behind Dion saying his love for her was a fraud.
Officials with both parties deny there is a relationship saying they are just friends with billion dollar benefits.
Headline: U.S. and Canadian campaigns turn ugly
Republicans are accusing Obama of associating with terrorists and the opposition parties in Canada are sinking lower claiming Harper is hanging out with economists.
Headline: Liberal supporters get brake lines cut in Toronto
Noting the amateurish attempt at sabotage the NDP reminded voters if you want to get the job done right hire unionized workers.
Headline: Former PM Martin to release a book accusing Chretien of sabotaging his leadership
The book will lay out the devious ways Chretien undercut Martin when he was a leader or as aspiring Liberal leadership candidates call it, a blueprint.
Headline: Canadian singers release a climate change song called “You have a choice” attacking Harpers environmental policy.
The video is a labour of love with singers flying in from all over the world to complain about the Conservatives carbon emission plans.
A Conservative spokesman applauded the artists’ efforts saying their attempt to snow the voters will surely reduce global warming.
The irony is you have a choice to vote based on a song or based on the issues.
Headline: Dion says hearing problem affects his ability to speak English
Party officials say it was his deaf ear that caused him to ignore warnings his Green Shift was a vote killer.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Column 7
Top 5 signs your candidate is having a bad debate
# 5 During opening statement he gives a shout out to O.J.
# 4 Her French translator gives up and leaves for a smoke
# 3 He tries to once again to ignite a “puffy shirt” trend
# 2 His mom goes into hiding.
# 1 Moderator constantly asking “Is that your final answer?”
Headline: Canadian party leaders’ debate goes head to head with US vice presidential debate
Voters were torn between getting information on the Canadian economy and watching the leaders’ debate.
History will be made as for the first time viewers will debate whether to watch a Canadian show rather than a US one.
Headline: Leaders sit at a round table for debates
This kitchen table setting had a Thanksgiving theme with the opposition carving up Harper and offering pie in the sky options.
Green officials declared victory saying this format conserved energy.
Headline: May accuses Harper of buying military equipment from China
In fairness it is probably the only product China sells that has the correct amount of lead in it.
Headline: Media says Harper was too civil during the French debate.
The last thing the media want to see is a grown politician acting like an adult.
Harper later admitted he had trouble with the debate because churlish isn’t his first language.
Headline: Leaders asked to say nice things about each other during French debate
I’m still not sure if “You’re not nearly as stupid as you look” qualifies as an answer.
Elizabeth May told Stephen Harper she thought he was a good father but should use the strap on his cabinet more often.
Headline: Layton accuses Harper of hiding his platform in his sweater
This is different from NDP policies that directly pull the wool over voters’ eyes.
Not to be left out Dion says he has more surprises left up his sleeve.
Headline: Duceppe accuses Alberta and Saskatchewan of ruining the environment
Every time Quebec is forced to take the billions in transfer payments from them Duceppe says he feels so dirty.
In fairness the pollution index doesn’t include the smoke being blown by Quebec artists.
Headline: Opposition parties promise to add taxes to the oil industry
The parties disagreed as to which part of the Golden Goose should be served up first the white meat or dark meat.
Headline: May calls Harper a fraud in both official languages
Unfortunately he could not respond because the phrase over-the-top histrionics doesn’t translate well into French.
It’s clear which one of the leaders will be directly affected by cuts to drama classes.
Headline: Opposition parties continually cite unnamed experts to justify their policies
This shows it isn’t just statistics that are for losers.
I was always led to believe an expert is a spurt that used to be.
Headline: Leaders focus on jobs of the future
The way the economy is going there won’t even be jobs at Future Shop
All the leaders talked about green jobs and they appeared to be getting a head start by recycling old clichés.
Headline: Layton says Harper will give big corporations $50 billion in tax relief
If elected Layton says he will stop the giveaway to companies and concentrate on the real drivers of the economy, welfare.
Headline: Dion introduces 30 day plan once he is elected
This is a limited time offer but if voters act now they will also receive, absolutely free, a complete set of steak knives.
If Dion is elected experts say it will take at least 30 days for his own party to recover from the shock.
Headline: Harper accused of plagiarizing a speech from an Australian politician.
Liberals were outraged saying if he was going to steal anything why not the Green Shift?
Reading from the same page the opposition parties agreed the real issue is Harper being a George Bush clone.
Vancouver voters have been hit with provincial bye elections in-between the Federal Election in October and Civic Election in November. Analysts worry about "ballot fatigue", but that's the beauty of coffee and donuts in school auditoriums in Canadian elections: the voters are more wired than a Starbucks shareholders meeting. - Torben Rolfson
Cross border fun...
It's a shame that the Canadian PM debate and the US vice Presidential debates are at the same time. If Canadians could watch Sarah Palin debate Joe Biden first, Stephane Dion might look articulate in English by comparison.
So the Liberal party just figured out NOW that Stephen Harper copied a 2003 speech almost word for word from Australia's Prime Minister? Who's running this campaign anyway, former U.S. employees of FEMA?
No one would ever accuse US President George W. Bush of plagiarizing a speech. Plagiarism would mean that he would have to have read something.
I think you all need another Trudeau. Now HE was fun!!!! I was a kid at the time but he helped get me interested in politics. And Margaret was I think more qualified to be in charge than Governor Palin. - Janice Hough
The final nail in the coffin of America isn’t the financial crisis, ill advised wars or even the loss of our standing in the world. The final blow to US pride was seeing that our debates were more boring than the Canadians. – Mark Dewar
# 5 During opening statement he gives a shout out to O.J.
# 4 Her French translator gives up and leaves for a smoke
# 3 He tries to once again to ignite a “puffy shirt” trend
# 2 His mom goes into hiding.
# 1 Moderator constantly asking “Is that your final answer?”
Headline: Canadian party leaders’ debate goes head to head with US vice presidential debate
Voters were torn between getting information on the Canadian economy and watching the leaders’ debate.
History will be made as for the first time viewers will debate whether to watch a Canadian show rather than a US one.
Headline: Leaders sit at a round table for debates
This kitchen table setting had a Thanksgiving theme with the opposition carving up Harper and offering pie in the sky options.
Green officials declared victory saying this format conserved energy.
Headline: May accuses Harper of buying military equipment from China
In fairness it is probably the only product China sells that has the correct amount of lead in it.
Headline: Media says Harper was too civil during the French debate.
The last thing the media want to see is a grown politician acting like an adult.
Harper later admitted he had trouble with the debate because churlish isn’t his first language.
Headline: Leaders asked to say nice things about each other during French debate
I’m still not sure if “You’re not nearly as stupid as you look” qualifies as an answer.
Elizabeth May told Stephen Harper she thought he was a good father but should use the strap on his cabinet more often.
Headline: Layton accuses Harper of hiding his platform in his sweater
This is different from NDP policies that directly pull the wool over voters’ eyes.
Not to be left out Dion says he has more surprises left up his sleeve.
Headline: Duceppe accuses Alberta and Saskatchewan of ruining the environment
Every time Quebec is forced to take the billions in transfer payments from them Duceppe says he feels so dirty.
In fairness the pollution index doesn’t include the smoke being blown by Quebec artists.
Headline: Opposition parties promise to add taxes to the oil industry
The parties disagreed as to which part of the Golden Goose should be served up first the white meat or dark meat.
Headline: May calls Harper a fraud in both official languages
Unfortunately he could not respond because the phrase over-the-top histrionics doesn’t translate well into French.
It’s clear which one of the leaders will be directly affected by cuts to drama classes.
Headline: Opposition parties continually cite unnamed experts to justify their policies
This shows it isn’t just statistics that are for losers.
I was always led to believe an expert is a spurt that used to be.
Headline: Leaders focus on jobs of the future
The way the economy is going there won’t even be jobs at Future Shop
All the leaders talked about green jobs and they appeared to be getting a head start by recycling old clichés.
Headline: Layton says Harper will give big corporations $50 billion in tax relief
If elected Layton says he will stop the giveaway to companies and concentrate on the real drivers of the economy, welfare.
Headline: Dion introduces 30 day plan once he is elected
This is a limited time offer but if voters act now they will also receive, absolutely free, a complete set of steak knives.
If Dion is elected experts say it will take at least 30 days for his own party to recover from the shock.
Headline: Harper accused of plagiarizing a speech from an Australian politician.
Liberals were outraged saying if he was going to steal anything why not the Green Shift?
Reading from the same page the opposition parties agreed the real issue is Harper being a George Bush clone.
Vancouver voters have been hit with provincial bye elections in-between the Federal Election in October and Civic Election in November. Analysts worry about "ballot fatigue", but that's the beauty of coffee and donuts in school auditoriums in Canadian elections: the voters are more wired than a Starbucks shareholders meeting. - Torben Rolfson
Cross border fun...
It's a shame that the Canadian PM debate and the US vice Presidential debates are at the same time. If Canadians could watch Sarah Palin debate Joe Biden first, Stephane Dion might look articulate in English by comparison.
So the Liberal party just figured out NOW that Stephen Harper copied a 2003 speech almost word for word from Australia's Prime Minister? Who's running this campaign anyway, former U.S. employees of FEMA?
No one would ever accuse US President George W. Bush of plagiarizing a speech. Plagiarism would mean that he would have to have read something.
I think you all need another Trudeau. Now HE was fun!!!! I was a kid at the time but he helped get me interested in politics. And Margaret was I think more qualified to be in charge than Governor Palin. - Janice Hough
The final nail in the coffin of America isn’t the financial crisis, ill advised wars or even the loss of our standing in the world. The final blow to US pride was seeing that our debates were more boring than the Canadians. – Mark Dewar
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)