The Top 40, 40th Birthday gifts from the Alberta PC Party

# 40- Schools without teachers

# 39- The privatization of AGT… Telus where the money went

# 38- Leaving public life for lobbying… Alberta version of “Who wants to be a
Millionaire?”

# 37- The rise of the Homeless Industry… if you build it… they will come!

# 36- Perfecting the Shoot, Shovel & Shut up crisis management model… what’s your beef?

# 35- Going all in with VLT gambling…#1 AB revenue generator…bet you can’t pay the rent.

# 34- Ralph Bucks, Dead Ducks and MLA’s personal Paving Trucks

#- 33- Pacific Western Airlines providing a safe landing for PC funds, friends and flacks

# 32- Diversify diversify that’s the plan…if we can’t do it MagCan.

#31- Nomination meetings that require candidates to put their money where their democracy is

# 30- Recognition by PC Leaders of the role Dinosaur farts play in contributing to Global Warming

#29 – Giving away industry leader Novatels patents for a song or ringtone #applelovesABPC’s

#28- No one will hazard a guess at how much it cost to give away the Swan Hills waste plant

#27 – Annual Health Care overhauls but no overhaul of the golden parachutes given to executives

#26 – The (non Timmies) double dip in the Government trough because 1 paycheque is never enough

#25 – All (ring) roads lead to lawyers fees and consulting bees

#24 – Cutting Kindergarten to improve the future for Alberta, children 6th on list of importance after asphalt

#23 – Heritage Savings Trust Fund because you can’t break open the piggy bank if you don’t have 1

#22- Why own Alberta Energy, paid for by Albertans, when PC’s could get almost $.10 on the dollar in real money for the assets?

#21- PC’s privatize liquor sales and the loss of revenue is enough to make a person drink

#20- PC’s replace massive pensions with even larger one time payouts #canyousaywindfall

#19- Surplus hospitals reduced to rubble, dissenting MLA’s banished for causing trouble

#18- Bill 19, the Land Assembly Project Area Act, giving property owners the right to remain silent

#17- Bill 36…seven land use regions under direct control of PC cabinet #doIgetakiss1st? #40isenough

#16- Family Day… a time to spend with family not in jail #lookattheshinydiamond

#15- Energy deregulation… bringing Albertans energy prices of tomorrow… today

#14- Paying off the debt early… similar to buying a house without budgeting for maintenance and taking a mortgage out for repairs

#13- PC’s giving themselves 30% pay raise during a recession… hey we need consumers too

#12- The collapse of the Principle group under unprincipled regulations and regulators

#11- An AB health “Super Board”… everything is better with “super” in it

#10- The PC Bums and Creeps attitude towards Canadians creating the Alberta Advantage

#9- Money and tax exemptions for the Flames and Oilers…hockey is on Maslow’s hierarchy after food

#8- Royalty roulette nothing says “Hello Saskatchewan” to the oil industry like instability

#7- Picking fights with Dr.s…Albertans love to visit a Dr. with a grudge
#6- Large class sizes…the gift that keeps on giving

#5- Billions for unneeded upgraded power capacity…someone is watching Tim the Toolman Taylor #morepower

#4- Changing “Alberta Advantage” slogan 2 “Freedom to Create” or as printers call it GOLD! #let’schangetheletterheadagain

#3- Petty feuds between Edmonton and Calgary… why can’t we all just live in Red Deer?

#2- Forestry managed by “close the barn door after horses are gone” technique #butpinebeetlesaresosmall

And #1 PC 40th Birthday gift to Albertans…

The Food Bank… not just for the upper crust anymore…

May Day!

Top 5 reasons to have another early election
# 5 Elected officials want to get it over before cottage season
# 4 Take the minds off hockey for Calgary, Edmonton, Ottawa and Toronto
# 3 Creates a new drinking game for Universities as they drink every time “coalition” is mentioned
# 2 The anger over money spent on an unnecessary election will keep us warm
# 1 Frozen Canadians have missed Elizabeth May talking about global warming

NDP leader Jack Layton was in Edmonton during Earth Hour which is how he spun the dimming prospects for the NDP in the province.

Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff is excited to participate in his 1st election saying the leaves on the trees in Harvard are especially striking in June.

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper was denied an opportunity to perform at the Juno awards on Saturday. Officials refused to give the Liberal, NDP and Bloc Quebecois a chance to sing a response saying it would take too long. A spokesman for the oppositions groups denied this would be a problem saying they would save time by singing from the same songbook.

The CBC has embraced a new tool, Vote Compass, which has people filling out a survey to determine who will win. So far the clear leader is Justin Beaver followed by Drake and Nikki Payne.

I’m not sure why the opposition parties are so upset with the Conservatives building more prisons. At some point all of the Ministers getting convicted have to be housed somewhere.

Jack Layton spent time in Quebec to condemn the oil sands tax breaks and the results were fantastic. Next up Layton will tour BC and complain about Toronto getting all the movies, Saskatchewan to complain Toronto gets all the tax breaks and Toronto to chastise the rest of Canada for hating Toronto.

In an attempt to connect with the younger voters all of the Parties are fully engaged in Social Media with Twitter accounts, Facebook pages and YouTube videos of them puking up a JaggeBomb. The candidates all have Facebook profiles with each of the parties trying hard to get people on Facebook to poke them. Asked to comment former PM Jean Chretien was confused saying Canadians were mad when he poked voters.

I asked the Wit and Writing for Women (www.cheersproject.com) comedy group to suggest Twitter names for the candidates. Here are some of the best:
Stephen Harper @sweatervest, @grumpypants, @dictator-in-waiting
Michael Ignatieff @homeinengland @smartiepants @packingjustincase
Jack Layton @pickmepickme @justafleshwound @Iheartcoalitions
Elizabeth May @chickenlittle @badmenwon’tplaywithme @1millionpeopleloveme
Gilles Duceppe @whereismypension @canadasuckswhereismypension @let’sseperatewhereismypension

I hope the leaders of the other parties who don’t have an elected member in Parliament don’t sue me for leaving them out of the jokes!